When Love Uses Gaslightingಮಾದರಿ

Truth Mixed With Deceit

You won’t find the word gaslighting in the Bible, but it’s a very common word used in our culture today. In fact, it’s so common that Merriam-Webster named it the Word of the Year for 2022. Online lookups for the word increased by an astonishing 1700 percent that year.

When a word hits culture with such extreme force it’s often subject to misuse and misunderstanding. Such is the case with gaslighting. It’s common to hear others describe that they’ve been gaslit because of an argument or disagreement. But gaslighting shouldn’t be used to describe a conflict when our partner simply has a different opinion, perspective or challenges our beliefs. This trivializes the serious nature of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is much more than a disagreement. It’s a form of psychological manipulation in which a partner plots to intentionally cause us to doubt our own perception, memory, or sanity. It’s deceitful and deliberate. It’s not a one-time occurrence. It’s intentionally conspired over time.

Gaslighting happens most often in romantic relationships and causes a victim to question their reality, their thoughts, perceptions and memories. It leads to feelings of confusion and erodes confidence and emotional stability.

I wish I could say that gaslighting doesn’t occur in relationships with others that claim to be Christians, but I’m sad to say that isn’t true. In fact, being a Christ follower ourselves can be one of the reasons we become vulnerable in the first place. By nature, Christians are known to be nonjudgmental, trusting and forgiving. All wonderful qualities, but if not balanced by a healthy dose of discernment, caution and effective boundaries, we can be caught off guard by those who want to manipulate and control us.

Manipulators are great pretenders. They groom their victims with flattery and other deceptive means. They secure their agenda of control by building a relational foundation of perceived trust.

Satan was the original gaslighter. In the Garden of Eden of he started a dialogue that caused Eve to defend her truth. His famous line, “Did God really say?” planted a seed of doubt and caused Eve to question her reality. When Eve defended her position, Satan wasted no time. He twisted the truth and spun the narrative. “You will not certainly die,” he lied with a sly slither. His perversion of truth worked and the deception of gaslighting started in the third chapter of the Bible!

There is always a measure of truth mixed in with gaslighting. That’s what makes it so deceptive. A total lie is obvious. But deceit concealed and covered in truth is harder to detect. What about you? Do you find yourself constantly feeling confused or second-guessing yourself? Do you often question your memories or perceptions of the way things happened? Does your partner make you feel crazy? Does he often blame shift or make comments or accusations like: Are you sure about that? You’re way too sensitive! That didn’t happen. I never said that!

If so, I want to help you reclaim your confidence. Gaslighting is insidious and involves intentional mind manipulation. The reality is that you can’t change your partner, but with God’s help, you can make changes that will empower you to protect your heart and restore your peace.