Dating Shouldn't Suckಮಾದರಿ

I Just Want Somebody To Love (me)

Every human longs to be loved. Think about that. No human enters this world and has the power to opt out of desiring love. It's the most central longing woven into our very fabric. We long to be loved by our parents, family, friends, fans, followers, dogs, cats, lizards, and gerbils, and then, of course, the oh-so-romanticized lover who takes us as we are and completes us forever *faint sigh*.

Yet, humans are impeccably flawed in our attempts to love. Our efforts really suck at times (while this title weighs heavy on the not-sucking, this reality stands true). I'm sure you have pictured yourself in a relationship-- how you'd be the best boyfriend/girlfriend, say all the right things, plan all the magical dates, write endless poems, and woo your forever person into sacred matrimony for all of blissful eternity, amen. Or maybe you've been in a relationship, and things didn't end as expected, BUT you're certain the next one will be different. And I believe you. I'm mostly writing this for myself because, as it would turn out, I found myself smack dab in the middle of a relationship feeling like a ship lost at sea, wondering why my expectations were colossally misguided.

I truly believed once I got into the right relationship, I would never experience disappointment, hopelessness, or sadness when it pertained to my need to be loved ever again. Boy, was I wrong. In fact, I discovered along that way that sometimes even the inadequate attempts at love felt more painful than not being loved at all. Did you ever consider that? I bet you didn’t. Because I surely never did when I was single.

I was convinced being in a relationship would be like floating into a sunset and melting into the colors of pink and yellow like Skittles dancing on my cheeks and an eternal euphoria of unicorns and rainbows swallowing me whole. And when there were no Skittles or rainbows to be found, I had an earth-shattering wake-up call. To be honest, I’m still in shock that I daily have to decide to respond to a text from this human who chose to love me– which in my past life of singleness would have been days later. I’m also still recovering from the fact that I’m not still single. What? I am, of course, the queen of single not sucking (a reference to my book 'Single Shouldn't Suck,' in case you're new here), and that right there, my friends were both a beautiful blessing and a chaotic swamp of ego I had to wade through in the process of my rebirth into girlfriendry, (is that a word? I'm not sure, but it is now).

What I've learned along the way has resulted in an arsenal of tools I hope to equip you with along your own journey of dating. If I had a quarter for every time I said, "Why did no one tell me that," amidst emotional breakdowns and unmet expectations in my dating journey, I'd have at least twenty-five dollars (I mean, let's be practical here, that's still a lot of quarters). Trust me, the following is worth far more than any dollar amount. In fact, what I'm about to expose in the days ahead is a revelation that comes at such a high price that not many are willing to pay.

For most singles, dating sucks because we aren't willing to take a hard look at ourselves and admit our perception of love, relationships, and romance is undoubtedly diluted by flawed humans who have also been deceived by cultural definitions of 'love.' We all desire companionship, but if that companion is going to be healthy and lasting, we can't keep repeating toxic love cycles. We must open our eyes and examine the broken behaviors we've adopted out of our desperate need to be loved.

My question for you is: do you feel loved? Who do you feel loved by? Is it a feeling deep within or more of a fact you're certain of? What is your understanding of the definition of love? Take some time to journal your thoughts and ask God to reveal any areas in which you've not been experiencing His love.