30DaysOfBibleLettering - Round 4 ಮಾದರಿ

God gave his word; He won't take it back 
Hebrews 7:21 MSG

During my freshman year of college, we lost my aunt Elizabeth to a long, well-fought battle with cancer. She was in her early 30’s and left behind a devastated husband and two kids under the age of 6. I was in university studying music and ministry at the time, and I started to find myself almost holding her death against God. For years, my family had prayed for Elizabeth to be healed. I didn’t doubt it – I actually fully believed that she would be healed, and that the experience would bring her to the Lord. I was full of faith! And then, things took a turn for the worst one day and she died shortly after.

I was shocked and confused – I had been so sure that God would heal her, and that he would hear our prayers and show Himself faithful. In the weeks and months that followed her death, I struggled to reconcile the powerful, loving God that I knew with the God that seemed silent and absent during Elizabeth’s final hours. I internally wrestled with doubt, anger and confusion; I simply couldn’t understand where the disconnect had happened! I would lead worship at church and sing of all these beautiful attributes of God, but inside I was believing them less and less.

Then one day as I sat down at my piano to write, I had one of the most honest conversations I’d ever had with God. I was angry! I was hurt and I felt betrayed, and I felt like I was losing my faith. Not in God, but in His goodness – and I told Him. I opened my Bible up to Job (you know, that book you read when your misery needs company), and it struck me. Job had lost everything, but he continued to trust God! When his wife tried to tell him to turn away from his faith, he reminded her that if we are going to accept the Good from God, we must also accept the less-than-good. It’s not for us to decide our circumstances or to understand the plan that God has for us – but we have to remember that God is good, and that he has good plans for us. He doesn’t just do good things sometimes, but His very nature is good. We won’t always understand how God works, but we aren’t meant to!

In that moment I felt an overwhelming realization that God had never left my side. He was right there, ready for me to turn to Him for strength. He was ok with my doubt and my questions – in fact, He wanted them! But it wasn’t until I opened my heart to Him again that He could start to work in me.

It wasn’t overnight, but God began to heal my heart. You see, He was never absent. He never left me. I still don’t understand why things happened the way they did, but I learn more and more every day to lean on God’s goodness and grace for my strength, not my own understanding. It’s been almost 10 years, and I still need to remind myself daily that we aren’t promised tomorrow – but we are promised that Jesus will walk with us through everything life brings. So whatever heartache or pain you’re walking through, remember this: God gave us His word; He won’t take it back.

by @leaguedesing