Reset: A 7-Day Plan for Building Positive Habitsಮಾದರಿ

Remember the Past Struggles

The apostle Paul wrote, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14). We often misinterpret this to mean that you should literally “forget” your past. Forget the trauma, forget the pain, forget the hurt, forget the abuse, forget the betrayal, forget the abandonment, forget it all.

But hear me on this: that’s not what Paul is advising! Paul wasn’t talking about forgetting his past struggles; he was talking about forgetting his past victories. He wasn’t talking about forgetting his past pain; he was talking about forgetting his pride and his boasting in his accomplishments. Just a few verses earlier, he listed all the things he could boast in—all his victories and accomplishments: his accolades, statuses, and successes. What he’s trying to say here is that his past identities are nothing compared to his identity in Christ.

Don’t take this verse out of context and use it as an excuse to avoid looking back. To avoid grieving. To avoid healing. This is our powerful reality: you have to deal with your past to be freed from your past! There could be some things in your past that are keeping you stuck today. Our emotional responses in the present are often rooted in emotional wounds from the past.

One way to get to the root of our emotional health is to make a timeline. Write down significant events, from your earliest memories all the way to today, and note experiences that shaped you for both good and bad. Then, look for themes that come up frequently in your life. We’re looking for emotional responses that come up without your awareness. We’re looking for patterns. We’re identifying roots.

As a therapist, I use this process with my clients. When Carla engaged in the timeline activity, an interesting theme emerged: the fear of abandonment. Her first significant memory was when her mom walked out on the family. There was no explanation—she just knew that she and her dad were on their own. Another experience she noted was dating her first boyfriend. She felt lucky he noticed her, but he was not invested in the relationship. She felt a desperation to make sure he stayed and gave everything to keep him close—serving, forgiving, initiating—and doing it over and over again. Eventually, he broke up with her. Carla was devasted.

We began to notice this pattern throughout her life: out of fear of abandonment, Carla desperately gave more than she should have to her relationships.

Your patterns may not be as obvious as Carla’s, but let me assure you, they are there. Patterns emerge in how you interact, feel, think, or behave. Paul encourages us to identify, examine, and face these patterns. Because the only way we can successfully move forward is when we have successfully looked back.