Day 1: Honesty in Disappointment

When our daughter Jane was three days old, her blood sugar crashed, and it caused lifelong debilitating seizures. Our world was shaken when at one year old, we were told she would never see, walk, or be able to converse with us. I was devastated but continued to confess the goodness and greatness of God. Years later, I started experiencing anxiety and panic, and I couldn't figure out why. A counselor friend presented me with the question, "Hilary, are you disappointed in God?" I immediately replied, "Is that allowed!?" She reminded me, "If you are disappointed in Him, don't you think He already knows?"

It's so obvious, and yet this is how many believers live their lives: proclaiming the goodness of God and afraid to acknowledge their disappointment in fear that they will be declared unfit or void of faith. But the truth is, nowhere in the Bible do God's people hide their confusion about His ways. His prophets cried out in sorrow. King David was very forthright about his distress, and even Jesus told His Father before the cross, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me." Why were they able to express this very real emotion? Because we have a good Father who is not scared of our humanity or our weakness. When I became honest about my disappointment in what I had expected God to do for our family or the disease I expected Him to prevent, it broke a stronghold in my life. It sent me on a course of healing that enabled me to experience more and more freedom from stress, anxiety, and panic. The key was first to acknowledge the discouragement and learn that He would never withdraw from me in my honesty - He would only draw closer.

Prayer:

God, thank You for being near to the brokenhearted. I can be honest about how I feel, and Your goodness will wash over me in my honesty. Let my disappointment not be a wedge between us but a bridge to Your heart. Thank You that when I am honest, You are near.

Declaration:

God is not distant in my disappointment. My honesty draws me closer to Him and sets me on a path of victory.