Day 3: Gentleness and Self-Control

Proverbs 21:9

“​​Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 31:11-12

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

James 1:19

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Colossians 3:19

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Matthew 5:27-28

“‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”

Have you ever met someone who likes to “stir the pot?” Or someone who likes to argue for the sake of arguing? Maybe they get mad quickly and don’t forgive easily. This isn’t the type of person you want to establish a life-long partnership with.

And while the Bible urges men not to share a house with a quarrelsome wife, the book of James highlights that everyone should be slow to anger. This is especially important for a marriage. There will be conflicts and disagreements, and being able to work through those things with grace and forgiveness is essential to a strong, healthy, thriving marriage.

A woman who is wife material isn’t hot-tempered. She strives to live her life and conduct herself in a way that brings good things to the people around her. She taps into the “gentle and quiet spirit” inside her to create a warm and loving relationship and home. Peaceful people create peaceful marriages. Someone who is marriage material is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

The self-control required to choose peace, unity, and reconciliation over everything also extends to other aspects of marriage. Specifically, in Colossians, Paul is talking to the men, telling them not to be harsh with their wives. In doing so, Paul recognizes that men might struggle to speak or treat their wives with the gentleness and kindness they deserve and God expects. A man who is husband material has the self-control to treat women respectfully, which includes being faithful to his partner and not lusting after other women.

All of this helps keep the peace. When people feel respected, honored, and loved in a relationship, it’s much easier to work through conflicts and choose connection over contention. It requires women to choose gentleness over being quarrelsome. It requires men to be kind, loving, and faithful. A woman who is wife material has tapped into her gentle spirit, and a man who is husband material is committed to honoring and loving his wife with gentleness and self-control.