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For many years, I was a depressed Christian. I loved the Lord dearly and even knew that I was going to heaven when I died. However, I was unable to discover the joy of His presence on earth. I felt removed from hope and peace. The black hole of depression was my constant companion and my ugly friend.
This depression was birthed in a battle with infertility. I sent 5 babies to heaven all of whom had only lived in my womb for between 12 and 20 weeks. Each conception was a miracle… and each interruption was a crashing and heartbreaking devastation.
My hormones were out of control… my hopes were dashed… and my arms were empty. And worst of all, my heart was broken.
Although I had already given birth to 2 delightful, precocious, lively little boys, I knew that I had been created to be the mother of more. Motherhood was my destiny and my calling. Why was it all so difficult?
During these frighteningly hopeless days, I also developed an addiction. My addiction was not found in over-the-counter drugs, in a bottle filled with an alcoholic substance, nor was it attached to binge eating.
My addiction… my drug of choice… was truly a miracle. While I was depressed and reeling from the pain of dashed hopes, unanswered prayers, and a body that was betraying me, I became addicted to the Word of God.
During the days of blackness, the Bible became a source of joy and light.
During long nights of hopelessness, the Word of God spoke promises and purpose.
During months of discouragement, the Bible was a voice of encouragement and blessing.
My arms were still empty, but my heart was full. My prayers were as yet unanswered, but I was falling in love with Him… over and over and over again.
I would go through every single dark day of depression to know Jesus the way I know Him now.
I would walk through the valley of infertility and disappointment all over again in order to be the defiantly joyful woman that I am today.
Joyful Thought to Ponder: If joy is, indeed, found in His presence, then why do so many believers struggle with staying in a place of joy?
This depression was birthed in a battle with infertility. I sent 5 babies to heaven all of whom had only lived in my womb for between 12 and 20 weeks. Each conception was a miracle… and each interruption was a crashing and heartbreaking devastation.
My hormones were out of control… my hopes were dashed… and my arms were empty. And worst of all, my heart was broken.
Although I had already given birth to 2 delightful, precocious, lively little boys, I knew that I had been created to be the mother of more. Motherhood was my destiny and my calling. Why was it all so difficult?
During these frighteningly hopeless days, I also developed an addiction. My addiction was not found in over-the-counter drugs, in a bottle filled with an alcoholic substance, nor was it attached to binge eating.
My addiction… my drug of choice… was truly a miracle. While I was depressed and reeling from the pain of dashed hopes, unanswered prayers, and a body that was betraying me, I became addicted to the Word of God.
During the days of blackness, the Bible became a source of joy and light.
During long nights of hopelessness, the Word of God spoke promises and purpose.
During months of discouragement, the Bible was a voice of encouragement and blessing.
My arms were still empty, but my heart was full. My prayers were as yet unanswered, but I was falling in love with Him… over and over and over again.
I would go through every single dark day of depression to know Jesus the way I know Him now.
I would walk through the valley of infertility and disappointment all over again in order to be the defiantly joyful woman that I am today.
Joyful Thought to Ponder: If joy is, indeed, found in His presence, then why do so many believers struggle with staying in a place of joy?
Scripture
About this Plan
Have you ever wondered, “Is it possible to experience joy in all seasons of life?” Carol McLeod believes that God has an enormous joy for you that is within your reach. In this devotional, you will discover how to trust God when life isn’t fair, how to ponder Scripture that transforms your thinking and how to turn disappointment into a heart that rejoices in the middle of uncertainty.
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