Reframe Your Shame: 7-Day Prayer Guideಮಾದರಿ

How Did I Get Here?

Do you realize that the things we hope, believe, pray for, and receive can also cause stress in our lives? I wish someone had dropped that gold nugget of wisdom into my life a lot sooner. Many people, women especially, feel guilty when they struggle to cope with and live the life they thought they wanted. Intuitively, we know that relationships are challenging, parenting isn’t easy, and managing households and careers is difficult. But we feel bad for feeling bad. Most of us do not possess healthy coping skills or know how to process stress in our lives, so we hide our struggles. We become bound by shame, and shame produces isolation and silence. Then we try to keep everything inside—except that’s impossible, so we find other ways to deal with the pain we feel.

I couldn’t wait to unwind from the day with a glass (or two or three) of wine. Without really understanding why, I would do anything to take the edge off. Subtly, and then suddenly, alcohol became my go-to, my comfort, and my relief. Underneath the stress, I felt the (perceived) expectations from family, ministry, and my own impossible standards, all of which weighed on me constantly. Do you know what it’s like to feel as though you’re failing all the time? I drank to avoid not being perfect, to avoid feeling like I had failed everyone in my life. The hidden grief in my life lurked right beneath the surface. Alcohol helped me cope and hide from the fears and stresses of abandonment, rejection, loss, transition, and failure, all of which I was not yet ready to face.

Alcohol became my stress reliever. As soon as I walked in the door from a hard, long day at work, I found myself unintentionally pouring a glass of wine.

The apostle Paul, a man who also understood the impact of the culture around him on his own life, as well as the transformative power of Christ, wrote this:

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:1–2 NLT)

Similar to the culture Paul lived in, our culture sends the message that alcohol is okay. What’s the big deal with having a drink anyway? I even bought a T-shirt that read: Will Run for Wine. Even more, I started to become a wine connoisseur, which I thought was rather classy.

Besides, Jesus turned water into wine, right? I felt more grown-up and unbound by the fundamentalist “religious” thing that told me there was something wrong with drinking.

The idea that our culture celebrates drinking (and other addictions too) worked for me because I wanted to drink.

I love The Message version of Romans 12:2: “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

Adjusting to our culture is so easy that most of us try to fit in without even thinking about it. This happens to all of us in some way. Culture is always shaping us. If we’re not careful, we become more acquainted with the way of our culture than we are with the way of Jesus.

Friend, I sincerely hope that the consequences of your addiction do not become as dire as mine before you decide to make a change. My journey to rock bottom and almost losing everything that was important to me, including the people I loved most in my life, took a swift turn down the slippery slope of addiction when I picked my drinking back up at age thirty-two and ended up in rehab six years later at age thirty-eight. It crept up on me slowly, without my seeing it coming, and almost destroyed my life. No matter what you’ve already done or whatever consequences you are facing, I want you to know there is a future and a hope for you. You are not alone in your struggles. “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you” (Jeremiah 29:12). God is waiting to hear from you!

Prayer Guide

• Thank God for promising hope and providing a future for you in eternity.

• Tell the Lord about your struggles.

• Ask the Lord to help you begin to see your life through His eyes.

• Request that God bring people into your life who can help you.

• Ask Jesus to make His presence known in your life.

Prayer for You

Heavenly Father, thank You that no matter how hopeless and stressful this life feels, You are there. You never give up on us. You never leave us. You are so patient with us. When the temptations of culture become overwhelming, You are our strength. You love us no matter what and you long to forgive us when we make the wrong choices. Help us look at life with Your eyes, help us make choices with Your wisdom, and help us love others with Your compassion.

We ask that You would help us turn from those choices that take our focus off You and forgive us. We want a deeper relationship with You. Amen.