Unpreferred: A Journey to Discovering You Are God's Plan Aಮಾದರಿ

I grew up in Nigeria, where it was common for students to attend boarding school for what is equivalent to middle and high school in America. I can recall returning from summer break when I was 12, riding on the excitement of supposedly being mature. I thought I had it together except for one area: boys! I wasn't crazy about them, but I did think one was cute.

One day, I decided to put on some makeup (mainly foundation powder) to get his attention. When I got to class, my friends looked at me with surprise, and the boy hardly spoke to me. I thought, "Finally, he finds me so attractive that he is speechless and stunned by my beauty." I later learned my perception was far from the truth. In my inexperience, I applied the wrong makeup powder. The brick-red color I'd chosen was far from my chocolate-brown skin. My friends thought I looked crazy, and my crush asked what was wrong with me! I soon learned he was attracted to another friend the whole time and dated her for a while. I tried to get this boy's attention by dressing differently and wearing makeup. I learned a lesson; we will never find satisfaction focusing on the wrong thing; it's a never-ending ferris wheel that leaves us exhausted and empty.

Similarly, Leah thought having children would get Jacob's attention, but that was not the case. Like Leah, we, too, can get caught up in doing X, Y, or Z to gain approval or be preferred. But these endeavors, outside of God, do much more harm than good. They are human-made attempts to meet a need only God can satisfy. When her son Judah was born, Leah realized her hope for validation came from God alone. Not from Jacob or from having children. Leah shifted her focus to the right person - God.

We need to trust God with our desire to be noticed and focus on Him when we feel unpreferred. We can focus on God by cultivating a posture of praise and thanksgiving. For instance, write about His goodness regularly in a thanksgiving journal. Schedule praise moments where you dedicate time to worship God, in song and adoration, despite your circumstance. Focusing on God magnifies His greatness and, in turn, minimizes our need for validation. Thus, experiencing freedom instead of the emotional disappointment that comes when we feel unpreferred.