Friendship—It's Complicatedಮಾದರಿ

Day 3

Years ago, I walked through betrayal in a friendship with someone I had let very close to me. Someone who “dined at my table,” if you will, and who had the power to hurt me because I gave that power to them. When a storm came in that relationship and dramatically shifted the trajectory of its original destination, I began to grieve, wondering why I ever let them so close. I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, “Andi, even my Son, Jesus, had room for Judas at His table. Even Judas had a free will to repent.”

To navigate betrayal we have to look at the state of our own heart.

Judas started off on the right foot, or so it seems. He was called as one of the twelve original disciples to follow Jesus and made the radical commitment to leave his life and follow the Rabbi. And we can’t say if it was disingenuous or not because we don’t know Judas’s original heart motive for following Jesus. He witnessed some of the greatest miracles ever seen and was taught firsthand the message of the kingdom of heaven straight from the lips of the Messiah. He had the perfect discipleship environment, yet he made a choice to betray the One who brought him closer than a brother. Even Jesus cannot control the matters of the human heart. Jesus sows the seed; we steward the soil of our hearts.

On reflection, I can’t help but think that Judas had an opportunity for repentance and that Jesus brought him close enough for Judas to betray Him but also to be forgiven by Him. The posture of our own heart is paramount when it comes to our ability to forgive, receive forgiveness, set boundaries, consider reconciliation, and love even when we don’t want to.

Whether you are the betrayer or betrayed, traversing the waters of brokenness in relationships is something we all have to do. But when we walk in radical acceptance of our actual reality, we begin to see clearly again, with a renewed hope to find meaning right where we are. We often have to check the posture of our own hearts, choose to forgive as many times as it takes, recognize where we are in cycles of grief, and put on love as we navigate betrayal.

As for checking the posture of my heart in order to receive and give forgiveness, it’s up to me. No one can make me do it, and I may not feel like doing it, but it is an act of my free will. Forgiveness does not mean agreement with another’s sin or behavior—quite the opposite. It is a sign of our tender heart toward God, even when someone owes us a debt that they will never be able to pay. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32 ESV).o one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32 ESV).

Reflection Points

• After reading 1 Corinthians 13, take some time to consider where you need to receive God’s love and where you can give it. Go through everything this scripture says love is (Love is patient, Love is kind, etc.) and write these as bullet points in a journal or in a note in your phone. Then underneath each one, write how you can give or receive each aspect of love in a practical way.
• How Do We Navigate the Waters of Betrayal? Spend some time with the Holy Spirit, asking Him to check your heart posture, guide you to a place of forgiveness and repentance, and to replace any wounds from betrayal with His love.