Change The Conversationಮಾದರಿ

A Foundation of Love

I know what you’re probably thinking—another dating plan? Why even bother?

Because how we view ourselves and treat each other in our relationships has a massive impact on the kingdom of God.

In my own life, and through years of teaching youth in different capacities, I’ve seen firsthand how the church has failed to hold meaningful, ongoing conversations with its youth and young adults on what dating is and should be. It’s failed to paint purity as a lifestyle—a lifestyle to be pursued before and during marriage, not a checklist of do’s and don'ts. Teens are less equipped to recognize unrealistic expectations in their dating relationships and consequently less able to recalibrate those expectations.  It’s minimized the importance of being the right person, and maximized the hunt for the right person. Or at the least, it hasn’t said anything to the contrary.

So while I am certainly not the first nor will I be the last to speak on this issue, I wanted to add my words to what I believe to be a very important conversation: how do Christian teens and young adults honor God in their romantic relationships? 

Like with anything, it’s always good to start at the beginning. Or rather, the foundation.

Every house, office building, or skyscraper starts with a foundation. A strong, level, smooth foundation. If it doesn’t start on a level foundation, well, things can get messy. A slight fault in any foundation can throw off measurements for the walls. If the measurements are off, adjustments must be made elsewhere, ultimately weakening the whole structure.

Have you ever realized that your heart is like an amazing skyscraper under construction? And have you ever stopped to ask yourself, what am I building on? Are you building on God’s love, or on something else—something that is faulty? God’s love doesn’t crack or change. His love won’t fail us, for He is a trustworthy foundation. Sure, there will be imperfections in our lives along the way since we are human and live in a fallen world. But those imperfections won’t interfere with the integrity of the foundation. 

As children of God, a relationship with Jesus is the foundation for all other relationships. God’s love is a strong, level foundation on which your entire life is built, including any relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Although other lessons were a struggle, I took this one to heart during middle school and high school. Jesus gave me such a vibrant image of His love filling my heart, laying that foundation before any man came along. I was irresistibly drawn to this truth. In that crucial time of developing spiritually and emotionally, I learned to let God define who I was. 

When I did begin to build more friendships with guys and start dating as I got older, a firm foundation was in place. I had solid ground to stand on as I interacted with new friends, knowing that my worth couldn’t be taken away, my purpose couldn’t be hijacked, and at the end of the day, God always delighted in me and would never fail me. 

Too often though, we stray from our foundation and look to satisfy these desires in other pursuits, possessions, or relationships. God created us with all these desires: a desire for purpose, a desire for meaning, and a desire to be delighted in and loved. He created us with those desires, and He himself is the perfect answer to those desires. No human can deliver perfectly on those promises, so we need to stop expecting others to do what only God can do.