I Love Jesus, but I Want to Die: A 5-Day Plan to Give You Hope in the Darkness of Depression ಮಾದರಿ

People Say Terrible Things (But We Still Need Them)

If you’ve opened up to other Christians about struggling with depression or anxiety, you might have heard something like this: “Just choose joy.” “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” “Where’s your faith?” “Pray and read your Bible more.”

The one I hated the most during my darkest depression was “this too shall pass.” I get it. It’s meant to remind us that life is full of ups and downs. “The sun’ll come up tomorrow” and all that, and I know this phrase is even helpful to some. 

But it’s gut-wrenching to have our experiences belittled and invalidated. It also misses the reality that sometimes the most serious challenges in life don’t just pass. There are many painful circumstances and ailments, including mental illnesses, that sometimes remain unhealed.

When people say these hurtful things, we understandably want to run the other direction, refusing to trust again. But, painful as those moments are, we must remember God made us for relationship. From the beginning of time, he said it wasn’t good for us to be alone. (Genesis 2:18). And, so often, God chooses relationships - with friends, family, and even therapists - to help heal us.

It can be difficult to hold the tension between needing a safe place to open up and understanding that none of us responds perfectly all the time. Usually, even when people say terrible things, they’re ill-equipped, or they’re scared to say the wrong thing, even though they genuinely want to help.

It helps to learn what to look for when considering who to open up to. How do they respond to pain in others? Are they compassionate when people talk about hard things? Are they encouraging or cutting with their words? Are they usually good listeners? Traits like these often mean there’s a good chance someone will respond a little better to our struggles.

Here’s what I know: People are broken and messy and imperfect. They fail me time and time again. 

And I need them anyway. 

It’s a beautiful mystery: so often, when God bends low to restore my soul, he does it through broken, imperfect people. I’ve swung from desperately looking for humans to heal me to building walls to keep everyone out. Neither works very well. But in the middle, there’s balance. We can trust in God to transform us, and knowing he wants to use the people he’s placed in our lives to do it. 

God, I know you made us for relationship, but sometimes it’s hard to reach out for support when I’ve been hurt before. Help me find safe people to share with and be brave enough to open up. Amen.