The Joy Switchಮಾದರಿ

God created us to live in connection with Him and the people we love. All of us have a God-given desire and need for connection, where we feel seen, heard, and understood. We don’t need to hide this desire for connection; it is normal and natural. 

This kind of connection is about having someone sit with us in our joys as well as our sorrows and difficulties. Someone’s caring face, voice, presence, and attention will bring stability and security so we no longer feel alone. Someone is glad to be with us!

True connection means attunement (being “tuned in”), where we feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. The brain’s attachment center, the foundation in the relational circuit, looks for someone we know who will join us in our delight and our suffering. This deep connection helps us feel loved so we can return to relational mode. 

In the Old Testament, Moses experienced this attunement from God during a moment he encountered a bush that was on fire in the desert. When Moses approached the burning bush, God told him, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people…and I have heard their cry…I know their sufferings.” (Exodus 3:7) God saw, heard, and understood the pain of His people who were enslaved in Egypt. 

The passage above from Philippians 4 reassures us that God is “at hand” and close to us. When times are hard, we share our pain with Him in heartfelt prayer even as we thank God for His presence with us. As we connect with God and receive his attunement, our hearts and minds experience His peace. Peace comes when we know we are not alone with our feelings and that how we feel makes sense for the situation we face. This peace is the sweet spot for our nervous system, our relationships with people, and our relationship with God. 

Staying in the sweet spot of connection takes practice, and it is worth the effort. This type of “in tune” connection with God and people is a skill that can be learned at any age. Connection is a two-way street, so we also look for opportunities to truly see and hear those around us when they are in distress. As we practice connection and rest with friends, family, and God, we find that our glad-to-be-together joy grows. Each piece of the relational puzzle adds strength to our connection. 

Practice

These exercises will help you deepen your connections today. 

1. Think of three things you feel thankful for right now. These may be people, pets, experiences, or shared moments with loved ones. Notice how you feel as you reflect on these gifts. Try to think about each gift for 60 seconds as you consider what makes the gift special and meaningful. If you can do this for at least 3 minutes, you will feel more joyful and relational. 

2. Think of one person you care about and will be interacting with today. When you interact with this person today, listen carefully, and tune in so that they feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. Watch what happens in you as well as the other person!