Fighting for Love in a Porn Affected Marriageಮಾದರಿ

I love Instagram. It’s most satisfying to curate an image of my life that cuts out all the tantrums, and tears, and bad hair days. This is the effortless put-together life I want other people to assume just comes naturally to me. It’s the life I wish did come naturally to me. A life without misfortune, mistakes, and big painful areas of brokenness. 

Coming forward and admitting that porn was an issue in my marriage was one of the hardest things I have even done. But being determined to be a good loving wife, I plucked up courage, swallowed my pride, and reached out for advice.

Unfortunately for me, the counsel I was given was well-meaning but misinformed.  I was told that gentleness and grace, and more sex, would help my husband the most. So, after pushing my hurt and anger deep down inside, I became the best cheerleader I could. 

Yet, still nothing changed. 

In 1 John 3:18 we are reminded to not love in word or speech, but in action and in truth.

This was what I was missing. My words were having no effect because they weren’t matched by my actions. It didn’t matter how I built him up, for what he actually needed was for me to get really honest about what porn was doing to him, to me, and to our marriage, and set a clear boundary.  The most loving action I ever took was to draw that firm line in the sand, stating that I would not be turning a blind eye to his compulsive porn usage anymore.  

I know it’s scary to take this particular action in your marriage, especially when others you trust may advocate lovingly turning a blind eye to be the right course.  Proactive intervention is tough love. But to a man in captivity, it is exactly the kind of love he needs.