The Dating Manifestoಮಾದರಿ

Pursuit

Embrace your role in dating and relationships. Basically, this means that men, you need to be prepared to initiate, and women, you should be prepared to respond. Does this mean that if girls ask guys out on dates that they’re doomed? No. But I’ll certainly say it’s not ideal. Here’s why.

I know married women who like to gripe about their husbands’ lack of leadership or initiative. It can be something small like his inability to pick a movie or pizza toppings, or something big like his refusal to discipline their children or go to church. When I ask these women when these patterns started, most of them can easily trace them back to their dating days.

Because ladies, the patterns you establish in dating will carry over into marriage. If you want to marry a leader, date a leader.

So, guys, step up. Get ready to boldly ask women out. It’ll be scary. It may be awkward. You’ll need practice and perhaps a few pointers. But you’ll be doing the right thing.

When I say “be bold,” I’m also saying to take the lion’s share of the risk. That’s your role, too. You’re going to state your intentions (“I’d like to date you”) and provide a safe space for the girl to accept or reject you. In other words, you’re going to lay your cards flatly on the table while she holds hers tight to her chest. You’ll let her respond, and you’ll receive her response graciously. If she rejects you, you won’t badger her or shame her. You’ll say “thank you.”

Carolyn McCulley said something a while back that made this whole issue crystal clear to me. She said, “Men trust God by risking rejection; women trust God by waiting.”

So what does the right way actually look like? For men, it’s a correct application of Proverbs 18:22 which states, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Notice the word “finds”? That’s an active verb. It implies action and intention, getting out there and searching and pursuing.

Women, treat men with kindness, not to the exclusion of others, but there’s nothing wrong with showing a little special interest. I love what I heard a while back, “Ladies, let the men be the hunters, but don’t be afraid to snap some twigs.”