Modern Romance: Advice for Dating, Singleness, and Relationshipsಮಾದರಿ

I’m Still Single—and That’s Not a Burden

People say your 20s are for “finding yourself.” I think what they really mean is, find out what you want to do in college, meet someone, and settle down by the time you’re 22, 24 at the oldest. Longer than that, and you’re labeled as restless, wild, or worse—indefinitely single.

It’s not hard for me to remember what I thought my life would look like by now. I would have an intelligent, bearded husband and one adorable kid. I’d have a book draft due next week but would finish it on our way to London or Rome. Obviously, I had very realistic life goals.

In college, I found love, but he didn’t love me back. After that experience, I just left “love,” or the thought of it, out of my life. I attended university and traveled around with friends. Dating was off the table for me. And, surprisingly, I had a blast. I loved picking up and moving when the wind changed. People called me a nomad, and I wore the title like a badge of honor. I wasn’t tied anywhere or to anyone.

Something changed as I moved into my late 20s. Nearly all my friends had married and were working full-time. But I didn’t want to give up my nomadic lifestyle. Yet, the more I ran, the more God chased me. And the more He chased, the harder it became for me to ignore Him. As much as I wanted to find my own path, I had to accept that God’s was better.

Maybe you’re dealing with changed plans. Your life hasn’t turned out like you thought it would. And that realization, the acceptance of it, is tough. For me, it’s often in the in-between moments like driving in my car or walking somewhere when it hits. Or hurts.

I’ve found that sharing how I feel often helps me turn the corner from sad to grateful the fastest. Friends can bring perspective and hope when I’ve lost both. And I find comfort in telling God that I’m hurting and don’t understand. It might be easier to shake my fists and say I’ve been forgotten, but I know that’s not true. Because when I really think and pray about it, I’m thankful for this time.

I felt God calling me to plunge into life headfirst this year. Dive into all that He has for me right now. Right now, in my singleness, working a full-time job that I can’t wait to go to each day. I still love being a nomad. I’m not afraid of eating at a restaurant alone. I’m not worried about what people think when I go to the movies and say, “One ticket, please.” I’m owning this season of life. Why? Because God has chosen this season of life for me. He’s given me this time to know Him and to understand His ways. Singleness is a gift. I’m never alone. Life is about a lot more than avoiding loneliness.  I’m learning about how God uniquely created me to love Him and others and to enjoy life.

What changed for you? What happened in your life that you weren’t expecting? Tell someone. Get it out into the light and let God heal you. You may find you’re thankful for this season.

—Jess