Loved Baby: A 7-Day Plan After Pregnancy Loss Sample

Today we wear black to funerals. Did you know the tradition of clothing yourself to express sorrow actually harkens to biblical times? “Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days” (Genesis 37:34). Sack­cloth was the original black funeral dress. 

Our modern times don’t dictate appropriate costume for the period of grief. In fact, our grief is invisible to many. But we feel like we are clothed in that itchy sackcloth, don’t we? We feel the heft of hurt, the constant pricking of it on our souls, the veil that disjoints our very view. The difference between times of old and today is that the outward sign of grief has been removed. Our grief cloaks only our souls. 

I’m not suggesting we revive the tradition of mourning attire, but it is rather nice how historically there was an outward sign saying, Hey I’m hurting over here. Let me cry. Pray for me. Don’t forget me. 

Even though our culture doesn’t give us protocol—especially in the case of pregnancy loss—we must give ourselves permission to mourn. It’s okay to not be okay and to feel the blackness of grief. This is called mourning. And mourning comes before the comfort. Mourning is a biblical process of coping. Others might minimize our sorrow, but the Bible tells us we are called to mourn. Abraham mourned the loss of his wife. Warrior David cried. Our very Savior Jesus wept. And you too must settle in for a time of mourning. Know that it is okay to cry. 

Others might minimize your loss or utter hurtful comments. But please know your tears are worthy. Your baby, who resides in heaven, is loved. You can be sad for this, but know that your little one is now in the state of complete perfection.