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Pause—Ponder—Pray

A Strategy for Gaining Control of Negative Emotions

Perfect, absolute peace surrounds those whose imaginations are consumed with you; they confidently trust in you. (Isaiah 26:3, TPT)

Several years ago, I did a workshop for my church on the power of our spoken words. I had noticed in scripture how we have the power to either bring life or bring death by our words. We can hurt someone seriously or hurt ourselves by speaking words out into the atmosphere with no regard for the consequences. As I was preparing for the meeting, suddenly, these terms came to mind: Pause—Ponder—Pray. I knew it was the Holy Spirit teaching me something to help not only myself but also those to whom I was about to minister. So, I shared this revelation with all the participants and the significance of it. We ended up posting it in our sanctuary. It is still there on the wall to this day. People will occasionally tell me they still use it often to remind them to be careful before they speak. And I still teach it as a reminder from time to time.

I often ask the Lord for wisdom and the other gifts of the Spirit. And I’ve been blessed to walk in those gifts as He sees fit. But this strategy, given to me directly from Him, is WISDOM. It is wise to train ourselves to control our words and actions. It is also Christ-like to do so. He will help us along the way; all we have to do is ask, receive, and apply. It has become second nature to me. I pray it becomes second nature to you as well when you face a situation that would normally trigger a negative response.

We have no control over others, but we can learn to control our emotions and reactions. We can learn to overcome years of pent-up bitterness, resentment, and anger. We can learn strategies to help us stop the pattern of giving in to those emotions in the future. Below, I elaborate on the strategy given to me that day by the Holy Spirit:

PAUSE: before you act or react to anything—STOP! Count to 10, if needed, but just pause and take a breath.

PONDER: Carefully consider what you are about to say or do. Consider whether you seriously want to “die on that hill,” as the saying goes. Is it necessary to respond at all? Is it possible what you are about to say or do will cause irreparable damage to you or the other person?

PRAY: Ask the Holy Spirit how you should handle responding to the situation or if you should respond at all. Permit Him to guide your words and actions. Seek His advice as to the motivation of the other person in this case.

An understanding person demonstrates patience, for mercy means holding your tongue. When you are insulted, be quick to forgive and forget it, for you are virtuous when you overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11, TPT)

The strategy is very simple in terms, but the magnitude of its power is limitless. This simple process has saved me in so many ways. It has kept me from damaging or destroying relationships. There are times I’ve wanted to say things but did not because I took the time to run through these steps. Later, I had to give praise and thanks to the Lord for helping me dodge a huge bullet. Countless embarrassing moments were avoided thanks to this process, where I had misunderstood what was being said and would have lashed out, only to be humiliated to find out I was wrong. It’s much better to celebrate the missed disasters than to mourn and agonize over lapses in self-control and the great losses they incur. The benefits of learning to pause, ponder, and pray are innumerable. This is true in any situation.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (James 1:19-20, NLT)

Our lives should be a living testimony to the peace and harmony found in a Christ-led life. We must build trust with those He places in our paths. Believe it or not, people watch how we respond in different situations. We can lose their trust in one brief moment by losing control of our emotions. Just like the Pharisees watched for any sign to prove Jesus wasn’t who He claimed to be, His disciples are being watched just as closely. You and I are His disciples. People scrutinized every move of Jesus. Here are just a few of the many scriptures showing this:

“They watched closely and sent spies who pretended to be righteous, so that they could catch him in what he said, to hand him over to the governor’s rule and authority.” (Luke 20:20, CSB)

“Then they sent some of the Pharisees and the Herodians to Jesus to trap him in his words.” (Mark 12:13, CSB)

My prayer for you:

“Lord, wrap your loving arms around those reading this message. Walk with them and show them your ways. Holy Spirit, please make yourself so very real to them. Speak to them and give them visions and dreams for guidance along the way. I ask you to bless each one as you touch, heal, comfort, and deliver them from the evil one. Please heal the deeply embedded wounds and scars and end the pain they have caused over the years. Open their eyes and ears to the truth as they search your Word. Place a hedge and shield around them for protection each day. Bless them and comfort them. Lord, I ask these things in the name above all names, Jesus Christ our King, Amen.”

Declaration and Activation:

Make this declaration over yourself daily. Write it on an index card and display it where you are sure to see it and write the strategy Pause—Ponder—Pray on the card as well:

“I am a child of the most-high God! I have all the power and authority placed within me by my Lord and Savior to heal, comfort, restore, and deliver where needed. I am light, and light dispels darkness. I was created to be the head and not the tail. I will follow my Lord Jesus in all of His ways and teach others to do the same. I have a high calling on my life and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I intend to fulfill it!”