Living With IntegritySample

HONESTY IN MARRIAGE

Do you “shade the truth” with your spouse? It’s common behavior for many couples, and most excuse it as “no big deal.” But when you find out what it could reveal about your marriage, you might change your mind.
It looks something like this: A husband tells his wife that, yes, he did run an errand she asked him to – when, in reality, he didn’t. Or a wife buys a new pair of shoes but fibs about the price, so her husband believes they were cheaper than they really were.

The question is: Why do husbands and wives lie to each other about such trivial matters? The answer for many couples is rather dismissive, ranging from “to avoid conflict” to “it’s just easier.” In other words, they put a positive spin on what is, actually, a deeper issue.

Spouses often lie when they feel there’s not enough safety in the relationship to be honest. So, rather than handling situations with understanding, maybe a spouse reacts with anger. Or, instead of compassion, they offer insults or sarcasm. It’s a breakdown in the relationship’s trust and intimacy. In some cases, it may mean those traits were never present in the first place.

So the next time you and your spouse feel compelled to lie to one another, it could be an indication your relationship needs a little work. Remember Paul’s reminder to put on your “new self” and to take off the old through Christ. When we come to God in our shortcomings, He doesn’t respond in anger or by shaming us. Instead, He welcomes us with grace, mercy, and love. A healed marriage can reflect the same Christ-like spirit.

For a daily dose of encouragement and perspective, check out Focus on the Family's marriage content at https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/