Breaking the Cycle of Comparison with Christ’s Grace

If you’re like me, there are moments when you’ve wished you could achieve “supermom” status, striving to meet an ideal image of what it seems a great mom should be. These desires come from a good place in your heart, but they can quickly lead to a harmful cycle of comparing, judging, condemning, and shaming yourself and others. When we compare, we either lift ourselves up by putting others down, or we lift others up by putting ourselves down. Either way, we’re putting someone down. But there is a better way that comes from a higher truth leading us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). This means learning not to participate in comparison that inevitably leads to the shaming of other moms or ourselves.

The thing is, simply knowing that these unending feelings of critique and scarcity aren’t good won’t help us break the pattern of comparison. Our problem goes much deeper, down to the root of who we are. The only way we will end the cycle of striving toward a parenting ideal is by restoring our right sense of identity in grace.

Grace is a gift freely given (Ephesians 2:8), and it is renewed for us each day. Yes, even your bad days need not dictate your willingness to accept Christ’s loving, complete work on your behalf—and incredibly, His willingness to keep offering it. So how can we use this grace to dismantle the ideal image of ourselves that we’ve constructed in our minds?

First, consider your version of what the ideal mom looks like. Does she never lose her temper? Does she keep the house spotless, even during chaotic times? Does she look impeccable, stay fit, hold a successful job, and still whip up a homemade dinner every evening by five? Who is she really? Who are you trying to live up to?

Once you begin to recognize how you truly view this imaginary figure and realize how influential she is in your thoughts, you can start shifting your focus away from comparing yourself to her and instead establish a habit of welcoming God’s grace to heal your harmful inner perceptions.

God, thank You for the gift of grace that is freely given to me, even on my worst days. Help me dismantle the supermom ideal I’ve built up in my mind and replace it with Your healing grace for my perceived shortcomings. Amen.