COMMUNICATION

Some communication is easier than others. When Sh'nai and I were dating, it was easy for me to tell her how attracted I was to her (using other descriptive words) and my lofty plans for our lives. We both were excited about the future. Then life showed up! We got married, situations appeared, bills needed to be paid and emotions showed up that we were not used to dealing with. Instantly, communication became a HUGE issue for us.

Why am I sharing this with you? We want you to know that you're not alone. So many marriages struggle with "effective" communication. According to The Gottman Institute, a world-renowned authority on marriage and relationship dynamics, "Communication is one of the most important aspects of a marriage. Silence can be destructive, whereas communication builds respect and tolerance." (Gottman, 2024) I believe one of the most important words here is "tolerance."

Here is our definition of Communication: “Hearing the heart of your spouse!”-Pastor Tai & Dr. Sh'nai

Ephesians 4: 26-29 gives us a framework for what God expects from us in all of our relationships. I believe it is exponentially more important in marriages because our partner is the very one who has the most ability to hurt us. Who knows better than your spouse what your quirks and inadequacies are? That "push the button" word or phrase? Paul, in his wisdom, gives us instructions on how to handle this. Verse 4:26 says: "Be angry and sin not...!" (KJV) What? does that bible really say that? Absolutely! If you continue to read through verse 29, you see that there are very good reasons why this is important. To not give the devil your enemy an opening into your marriage and to not say something that you ultimately cannot take back because your emotions have gotten the best of you. How many times has that happened?

We tried the not going to sleep until you worked it out approach. That didn't work for us! So, we agreed to disagree and/or handle the matter later. Guess what? When we went back to revisit the issue, most of the time we couldn't remember or it just did not have the same significance. Why? Well, it is a proven statistic (Gottman) that 69% of marriage issues are not solvable...So what do you do?

Tips for Communication:

1. Practice Active Listening: Truly listen to your spouse without interrupting or formulating your response while they speak. Ask God for wisdom and a spiritual ear and aim to understand your spouse.
2. Be Honest and Transparent: Communicate openly and honestly, expressing your thoughts and feelings with kindness and respect.
3. Resolve Conflict Gracefully: Approach conflicts with a spirit of humility, seeking reconciliation and understanding rather than aiming to win arguments.

Join us on day three as we discuss the importance of Investment in your marriage.