Overcoming UnforgivenessSample

What Forgiveness Is Not

Mistaken identity can have serious repercussions. Anyone wrongly convicted because of mistaken identity can tell you misattributions come with a heavy price. Forgiveness often gets sabotaged, complicated, or dismissed altogether because of mistaken identity. When we think forgiveness is something it’s not, when we mistake its identity, we come to wrong conclusions. To avoid this, let’s look at what forgiveness is and is not.

Jesus gives us a great way to picture forgiveness in Matthew 18. He tells a parable about a man who owes a great debt to his king. The debt is too large for the man to repay. The king has compassion on him and erases the debt and covers the cost himself. He frees the man from the weight of what he owes him. When someone sins against you, it’s like they’ve taken something from you that needs to be repaid. Forgiveness hands the debt over to God to sort out with them.

What Jesus’s parable does not say is that the king immediately opened another line of credit for this man, allowing him to accumulate more debt for the king to forgive again and again. Of course, this imagined continuation of the story breaks down when we consider God’s never-ending grace and mercy towards us when we fail. But the point is, forgiveness does not give people a free pass to continue their wrong behavior. God’s forgiveness reconciles us to Him. To receive that forgiveness, we must repent and allow God to change our hearts and lives. Similarly, when we forgive someone who has sinned against us, we may require a change to maintain a relationship with them. If someone continues to sin against you without repenting or attempting to change, reconsider your relationship with them. You can lovingly forgive them while wisely keeping (relational) distance from them. Jesus did this in Luke 23:9-11 when Herod berated Him with questions, and He refused to engage with him.

You may have heard the term “forgive and forget,” but this is not a biblical concept. Sometimes, to be safe from the abuse and ill intentions of unhealthy and manipulative people, we have to forgive and remember. This helps us keep healthy boundaries with people who would otherwise take advantage of the grace we extended to them. If we forget and act like nothing ever happened, we unwittingly give them permission to continue their wrong behavior towards us.

Forgiveness truly is a beautiful and powerful thing. Don’t let an inaccurate concept of forgiveness keep you from living all that it truly is.

Thought of the Day: God’s forgiveness teaches me what true repentance and reconciliation looks like. As I forgive, I will also wisely pursue right relationships with those who are ready to reconcile and change and reevaluate relationships with those who aren’t.