Wisdom for ParentingSample

Parenting Together
by: Boyd Bailey

My wife, Rita, and I recently enjoyed the company of 8 couples under 40, all with children under 10. The purpose of our time together over dinner and discussion was to better understand how to clarify and respect each other’s role in the family, with the goal of parenting…together. Not a harsh “take charge” approach from the husband, or a frustrated, “I’ll just do it myself” passive-aggressive posture from the wife. Collaboration with kindness is the most preferred approach to embracing parenting together, as we are co-workers in God’s service. We do family better together.

Paul outlines a similar approach in describing the work of ministry in general. Each worker in the Lord’s service has a unique role. Some plant, some water, but God brings growth and harvest. An effective ministry or church, like a loving home, is built on the foundation of faith in Jesus Christ. Paul continues, saying that this work and effort is only helpful when it is motivated and fueled by His Grace: “by the grace God has given me” (1 Cor. 3:10). Any competing methods will not last. Parents who co-labor together with Christ experience the Wisdom of God in leading their home. (Psalm 128:1-4)

Do you sometimes drift into just showing up for family gatherings without being a part of the planning process? Are you so busy that you blame your hectic schedule for not collaborating with your spouse over the calendar and finances? The natural pull of life is away from doing the hard work of parenting together. Adulting is not for the faint of heart—only for a heart of faith.

Here are some helpful questions to grow your marriage intimacy and intentionality with one another:

How did you feel loved this past week?
What does your upcoming week look like?
How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
How would you feel pursued in sex/intimacy this week?
How can I pray for you this week?

Perhaps you hit the pause button and pray, “Lord what does it look like for me to co-labor with my spouse and You in the vineyard of my family? Lead me in how to support my wife in the way she needs to be cared for and cherished. Give me the kind words to affirm my husband and the courage to share with him my concerns. Show us how to comfort and correct our son when his anger causes an embarrassing meltdown. Help us be sensitive to our daughter’s pain from being left out by classmates at school.” Parenting together brings couples together to trust Christ. (Ephesians 3:17-19).