Dating Shouldn't SuckSample

Responsible Romance

Imagine with me: you’re at the county fair with your besties. You spend the entire evening riding the Tilt-a-Whirl, Super Swings, Drop of Death, and Loopty Loop like you are forever 17. You’ve had extremely poor judgment in the height of the moment and eaten your body weight in funnel cake, cotton candy, and corn dogs. In an attempt to not totally upchuck the storm brewing inside you from being blended like a milkshake on the Space Spinner, you decide to play a few games and give your nervous system a break. After losing miserably during several attempts at Wack a Mole, you swear all the games are rigged! But you decide to give one final game a try: Tic-Tac-Gold-Fish. All you have to do is throw ping pong balls into the goldfish bowls and get three in a row to win!

Your first one is a bullseye. Your second ball just barely makes it in. You pray for your final shot, kiss the ping pong ball, and swoosh away, holding your breath in hopes of finally winning a prize! GOAL! You did it! You finally won! The game attendant rings a bell and very unenthusiastically announces you as the winner. He walks into the back to retrieve your prize. You hold out your arms, anticipating the arrival of a giant teddy bear just like the one on display. With a big grin on your face and eyes closed, you excitedly brace yourself for a big ole cuddly bear hug. “Hear ya go,” the game attendant says as he hands you a: cold. plastic. BOX. You open your eyes in shock! “Wait, what’s this?” You beg him to explain. Examining the box further, you see a tiny fur ball curled up, eating some pellets. The attendee laughs with a snarky grin, “Congrats, you’re now the proud owner of your very own gerbil.” And without as much of an explanation, he motions you to leave his booth so he can lure in more victims to rip off as they play his sick game. Holding your gerbil at arm's length, you wonder what you will do with this thing. This is NOT what you were expecting to win. This did not feel like a reward at all. It felt like a daunting responsibility. A teddy bear would have been far more enjoyable— lifeless, cute, cuddly, and way more impressive to show off to all your friends. A gerbil, on the other hand, is far less cool, questionably smelly, and requires nurturing. And THIS, my friends, is the perfect analogy for the dating season.

Let’s be honest: it is an emotional roller coaster out here! There’s excitement, thrills, lots of waiting, some good decisions made, and some poor judgment calls. Some relationships leave you feeling like you’re spinning in circles, and others leave you with butterflies. Sometimes it feels like one big rip-off with no amount of funnel cake curable of your disappointment. And then a sliver of hope arrives in the appearance of a promise-- like a giant teddy bear dangling from the ceiling. This could be your moment! Skeptical, you give it your best shot, and sure enough, you win! You found your person. You’re no longer single. But instead of a lifeless cuddly bear, you’re entrusted with a living, breathing thing: a relationship.

You see, the biggest mistake singles make in dating is romanticizing the wrong things. We romanticize the dates, the love notes, the wooing (I'm a huge fan of wooing, but that's not the point), the thrills, the game, and the hope for what we thought was the prize and end of our journey. “Woohoo, you made it! You got married!” But that was never designed to be a finish line.

A relationship is the gift of responsibility. It requires care, sacrifice, and nurture with time and attention. A relationship is the prize of tending to another’s heart and serving their needs above your own. Romanticize that! Most won’t ever pursue a relationship with these intentions. In fact, most people in relationships are still stuck at the fair, fighting with the game attendant, neglecting their responsibilities, and demanding a teddy bear.

Now I’m not totally trying to strip away the nuance and art of two becoming one. Don't you hate it when someone with a little perspective is a buzz kill? The intermingling of souls is a captivating experience. It’s wild, breathtaking, and a decadent indulgence. Less like a funnel cake and more like cream brûlée. Worth savoring every second with the one who sets your soul on fire. Yet even in the glory of it all, we are responsible for what we romanticize and must tend to it if we want the relationship to thrive.

So how do you navigate the daunting fairgrounds of dating and come out unscathed? How do you tend to your gerbil relationship and let go of your teddy bear expectations?

I wish I had a secret formula that could magically make your selfishness disappear and all your needs met instantly. But the reality is we are all on a journey. We are living the experience of transformation in Christ day by day. Some revelations come with a higher cost, and many will experience the heartache of doing this season of dating wrong due to their own pride. However, my hope in writing this devotional is that you would approach your relationships with great regard for the responsibility of that individual's heart. Psalm 16:4 says, "Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more." If we're all honest with ourselves, we can admit that we often make relationships idols to serve our needs. We pour out our worship onto another human and glorify them above our affection for Jesus. We romanticize our infatuation, our feelings, and the fantasy of life together.

But check out the VERY next verse, "Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure." I don't know about you all, but I want to live a fulfilled, secure life. Keeping Christ at the center of our affection, source of joy, and fulfillment is the secret to winning in the dating season-- funnel cake and all! It's different, it's out there, but it's the path that leads to life. One you may never see in a Nicholas Sparks movie, but I promise it's what you're searching for.

Questions to ponder: What have you been romanticizing in the dating season? What do you fawn over most? Have you idolized your partner in current or past relationships? Are you using your relationship as a self-service to get your needs met or seeking to serve your partner? Is this what you imagined when you've heard pastors say to keep Christ at the center of your relationships? Did that statement ever make sense in the true context of dating?