How to Cope With DivorceSample

Rise In Faith

After my divorce, I went into hiding. Even though I knew I had biblical reasons and the recurring adultery warranted necessary action, I still felt like a failure. I would sit in my closet for hours, hiding under the guise of seeking God. Though I did spend time in prayer, gaining greater revelation of my mental trauma, I still hid. There was something about being confined that made me feel safe and protected. Though I had a large platform on social media, I wasn't posting. I didn't feel I could add any value to anyone's life since I had seemingly walked through the biggest failure of my life right after losing my daughter. It was all too much.

Hiding was a negative coping mechanism that I clung to, but I now know and understand that God wanted to use that part of my story too. So often, we want to be present and open when things are going well. We see this consistently throughout social media. Aesthetic homes, families, and perfectly portrayed lives make those suffering feel less than those who seemingly don't have relational woes. But God is honored through the woman who feels the angst of her heartache, pain, and even shame, but chooses to believe what God says about her amidst her circumstances. God is honored when we are filled with tears and confusion, but we still choose to rise up in faith and find joy and gratitude in what's left.

Another lesson I learned in healthy coping is that folks won't always understand why you are still hurting after leaving a marriage that was not healthy. Sometimes the pain is rooted in disappointment and the hope that one had for change. I felt this defeat because my prayers seemingly couldn't save my daughter or my marriage.

One day while Hannah and Elkanah were eating, he asked her, “Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?” 1 Samuel 1:8 Elkanah couldn't see the wounds in Hannah's soul that housed the taunts of her adversary, the pain of her barrenness, and her desire for God to fill it.

After that dinner, Hannah rose up and went to the temple to speak with Her warrior God. Hannah bypassed Eli, the priest, but her goal was to get to God through prayers and pleas. The Bible says her soul was bitter as she wept, so much so that Eli accused her of being drunk. But she wasn't drunk as he supposed; she was disillusioned.

Have you ever been there? Are you there now? Have you been trying to cope with this divorce in every way but the godly way? If so, I have good news for you! There is help and hope for your situation.

Hannah has given us the perfect blueprint for coping, healing, and entrusting our lives to God's loving hand. You may feel your spouse let you down, but God didn't. Hang on to that. If you are still breathing, God still has a plan. Who knows, He may save your marriage, or His goal may be to save you. Whatever the case, you must acknowledge, pray and then rise in faith. Your value isn't in what you deem a failure but in the victory God has already assigned to your life through His son Jesus Christ.

Will you choose to cope with this divorce in a godly fashion, trusting that God will use the process of time to get you to the other side emotionally, physically, and mentally?

For more practical tips on Healthy Coping skills and "Healing After Divorce," subscribe to my course here.

Be Encouraged,

Bettye Nicole