Watch With ME

Seeking the perspective of Jesus

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 - NASB

Being a man, and being a man of 64 years of age with a lot of experience with the issues and symptoms of which I speak, I have come to conclude that all men have a big problem with fear. I have also concluded that this fear, which resides deep within our DNA, is no different for a Christian or non-Christian man, and it causes us to do some things that are counter to the life Christ would have us live and portray.

We watch movies and TV and see fearless men who face all odds and prevail. We see them “laugh” in the face of danger, never shaken by threats, and we exalt them as heroes, even though it is a fantasy we are watching. We watch athletes overcome their fears on a golf course, against 100 mph fastballs on a baseball field and 400 lb linemen on a football field, and we think, “Man, those guys play without fear!” We continue to be misled. Athletes live with fear, no matter how big or fast or skilled they are in their sport. They have learned how to put their fear aside temporarily, but they don’t cast it out. They just cope with their fear in various ways. One famous (and disappointing) golfer has stated that he cannot play the game of golf without alcohol to brace him up because of his fear. So let’s get real. All the “mighty men’ we think that have no fear have fear. They can hide it and even defer it while they take care of business, but it still resides within them, waiting for an opportunity to live itself out in another way.

Some say that fear is a friend and part of our survival instincts, or else mankind would not have become hunters and gatherers for food and safety. They say that our forefathers would not have been properly motivated to run from the dangers of wild animal attacks and other dangers without their fears. The “experts” say that our species would not have survived if they had not run because of fear. I agree that this is likely so. That is why I said that fear resides within our DNA. However, most doctors would say, and statistics bear it out, that the stress men and women are living with nowadays is killing them in far greater numbers than animal attacks and even wars.

If one would take the time to look deeply at the cause of stress, he would likely find that fear of something is at the core. Therefore, I am not speaking of the type of fear that alerts us to dangers, like that which causes us to find safety when a tornado approaches. I am speaking about the fears that drive us to do things that hurt our relationships, our Christian witness, our physical and emotional health, and yes, even our walk with Christ. I am talking about the fear that causes us to take on more responsibility than we should which causes us to become out of balance in goals and objectives. This type of fear causes us to make gods of our accomplishments and see people as pawns for our use. How does that happen? What does fear do in us that affects the things I just mentioned? To understand, we must see how some actions and attitudes are often driven by fear unless there is a greater force to override them. In other words, an action must be looked at as a symptom, and rather than trying to treat the symptom, we must go to the source of the problem. As an example, consider the following:

A dear friend of mine happens to be a doctor. He is my doctor, and he is a good one. However, what kind of doctor would he be if he only treated symptoms rather than trying to go to the cause of a symptom and treat the hidden problem? He could treat fever all day long by attempting to lower it. However, if he didn’t go to the cause, which is likely some infection, I would remain with my problem. I could even die from his professional neglect. Likewise, we must view the symptoms of fear and treat the cause rather than simply trying to control our symptoms. Consider some following symptoms that are driven by fear:

Symptom: Controlling Personality. Cause: Fear of personal goals not being met, fear of failure, fear of ridicule, etc.

Symptom: Driven Personality. Cause: Fear of insignificance, fear of a letdown, fear of being perceived as mediocre.

Symptom: Overly aggressive, overly competitive personality. Cause: Fear of being perceived as weak.

Symptom: Greedy, self-centered, manipulative. Cause: Fear of being without resources or relationships, of being out of control.

There are many more examples of symptoms that hurt our relationships with others, our physical health, and our fellowship with Christ. You can meditate on the cause and effect and develop some of your own. That is my challenge to you. Think and pray about some of your own symptoms and see if they are not, in some way, influenced by fear. But how do we expel these fears if they are part of our DNA? Would it not be impossible? The Bible says that it is possible. But, again, we must use the right medicine and go to the source rather than the symptom. The scripture above says that Perfect Love is the medicine for fear.

So what is Perfect Love? To begin with, we must make peace with the reality that we humans cannot produce perfect love. It would require that we be perfect in all situations and even perfect ourselves. We are headed for disappointment if we think we can find or give perfect love. Perfect love cannot be found in our DNA, and similar to fear, a more powerful force must be found to override this inequity.

In his book, The Marriage Builder, Dr. Larry Crabb points out a fundamental flaw as to why most people get married. It is driven to find someone who will meet our own personal needs. When we find that person, we think we have found perfect love. But, when we truly get to know our spouse, we find that he or she is not perfect and our needs are not being totally met. Thus, we see a fundamental flaw in our understanding of what it takes to have a biblical marriage. Dr. Crabb points out that there is only one way to change the “his needs / her needs” failures in our expectations: to run into our relationship with Christ and allow Him to meet our needs. When this is done, we can then help meet our spouse's needs with Him. In other words, the Perfect Love of Christ overrides our basic attitude that someone else must meet our needs. His love never fails, for it is perfect and overpowers our fear of not meeting our needs. This is an example of how the Perfect Love of Christ casts out our fear of not being loved and not having our needs met. His Perfect Love also empowers us to be courageous champions for our family, beginning with loving our wife as Christ loved the Church. This is impossible for us to do. However, Mr. Perfect can do it through us.

This devotional is not about marriage, but it certainly can include it as an example of how the perfect love of Christ can cast out fears in our marriage. But, His perfect love can also strike at the heart of all our fears as we see His authority, power, and total abilities undergird us in every way. So, let us challenge those fears and consider those examples I mentioned as to how He can help us with our fears:

• Can there be a greater significance than what comes from being God’s child? If we realize this and feast on it, the fear of being insignificant is challenged, and a Driven Personality can loosen up, for His Perfect Love will cast that fear out.
• If Jesus says that we should seek Him first and His kingdom and all our basic needs will be met, does that promise not deal specifically with our fear of failure? Does His perfect love not say, “Trust Me, for I’ve got things under control?” If we realize this and feast on it, the Controlling Personality can relax, for His perfect love will cast that fear out.
• God told Paul, “My power is perfected in your weakness.” Can we let go of our fear of being perceived as weak and allow God to undergird us? Do we really need to be fearful of what others think? Shouldn’t we instead allow God to give us a steadfast spirit that rests in that He Who created the universe and all things in it says, “I am on your side?” If we realize this and feast on it, our overly aggressive tendencies will diminish, for, in His perfect love, we can live in confident trust.

There are many more examples of how God’s perfect love casts out our fear and changes our perspective on the things we needlessly carry. His perfect love and promises for our welfare will cast out any fear we are living with if we trust those promises and His heart. So the question is how to do it? I hope that you know where I am going with this by now. I will repeat it. “Transformation comes by proximity.” When we abide with Christ, and in Christ, among other things, the love of Christ will cast out our fears. The overriding, overpowering force changes the unhealthy fear that stresses us out and causes us to do ungodly things. We do not become irresponsible or casual about the things we fear. Please don’t think that I am saying this. On the contrary, we entrust those fears to the One Who can do something about them and do the best job with them.

So, Child of God, what are you afraid of? Check your symptoms out, and don’t try to treat just them. Go to the source and allow God’s perfect love to deal with the real problem, and the symptoms will disappear.