Ready to RemarrySample

Fight Fair

Before you remarry, it's wise to make a plan to resolve disagreements healthily. You'll resolve conflicts without hurting each other if you are kind and gentle. If both of you are harsh, you'll reap harshness. In Proverbs 15, we learn a soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.

To resolve disagreements, you can use the plan below. However, if you're in an abusive relationship, seek professional help immediately.

Suggestions

To make a plan to resolve disagreements healthily, try these.

1. Remember the purpose. Seek solutions. Your mission is to be a problem-solver, not a right-fighter who only wants to win the disagreement by arguing.
2. Agree on words or phrases to avoid. Avoid words or phrases that trigger fears in each other. Each of you should make a list and share it.
3. Lead with empathy. Empathy de-escalates tensions. It's wise to listen first and speak second. Use statements expressing your understanding of the other person's pain or frustration.
4. Practice active listening. Repeat what the other person says, so both of you are clear on the problem.
5. Practice timeouts. If things get too intense, take a timeout. The person who needs the timeout should communicate how long they need to cool off. Return to the conversation later. Do your best to resolve the issue before the end of the day.

Prayer

God, I ask you to help me learn today to solve problems. Lord, I invite you to be a guard over the door of my lips. Let all the words I say filter through you and your will. Jesus, I want to be more like you, wise with my words. God, I ask for wisdom to know when to speak and listen. God, I invite you to help me remember to be calm and always seek a solution, not victory. Your word says once I marry my spouse, we are one. If either one of us loses a disagreement, we both lose. Please help us honor and love each other through all disagreements. Lord, help us grow so that we might learn to help each other win together even when we are angry and hurt. I need you, God. I can't do this without you in control. Your word says the tongue is the hardest thing to control. With you, Lord, I can. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.