When Shame Gets RealSample

True Identity

Who are you?

Or to put it another way, where does your sense of identity come from?

This is a vital matter when it comes to addressing shame in our lives. Because until we recognize what we find our identity in, we can’t establish our truth and values. We can’t draw boundaries and build trust. We can’t form meaningful goals.

Identity is key to the whole thing.

Of course, the Bible tells us that our identity should be in Christ. We all know this, right?

Christians say it all the time.
Pastors preach it constantly.
We read it in the Bible.

But have you ever stopped and thought really hard about what that actually means?

Before we answer that question, we need to go back to where it all began—the Garden of Eden.

Recognize that the creation story is far more than a historical record of the earth’s formation. In fact, some might argue it’s not a historical record at all. But whether you believe God created the earth in seven literal days or not, the real significance of humanity's beginnings can be found in a little phrase found in the last verse of chapter 1, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

The reason this is so significant is that God declared his creation to be good, not based on what it had done, what it had or hadn’t accomplished, or whether people agreed with that evaluation.

Rather, it’s clear that what made us and everything about this world good was the fact that God had made it. In other words, his evaluation of creation was not tied to any performance on our part.

It was just good.

Now, of course, we all know what happened after that. Man decided that he knew better than God and messed the whole thing up. Needless to say, what once was good simply because God had deemed it so, was now horribly marred and twisted.

And rather than trusting God’s good story and resting in his provision, man was now focused on getting ahead by any means necessary, with little regard for the damage inflicted on others along the way.

This is why we need Jesus.

Because only he can do what we will always fail to do. Only he can fully accomplish the will of his father while the absolute best we can hope for is to come up a little less shorter than the last time, but still short nonetheless.

Only he can usher in God’s new kingdom while inviting us to be an imperfect part of the process.

And so when Paul says in Ephesians “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” the assumption and understanding is that we are going to continue to come up short in our efforts to walk out our new identity in Christ. But because of Jesus, we will be fully redeemed and again declared “good.”

So when we base our identity on what we do or don’t do, on what we say or don’t say, on what we accomplish or fail to accomplish, on our performance or lack of performance, we invalidate any expressed belief that our identity is in Jesus and Jesus alone.

We must come to grips with our true identity before we can move on to anything else.

Because when we choose to believe that our actions and/or relationships are what gives us our identity, we cheapen that identity. We take something that has a set declared value and make it subject to the whims and views of those around us. And rather than having a static and secure definition to build our values and truth around, our identity and self-worth becomes as fickle as the weather patterns, giving shame the foothold it needs in our minds and hearts.

Your identity can’t be based on your performance. It must be based on something that is fixed and certain. And that certainty is the work Jesus did on the cross.

What you struggle with does not define you.

What people expect of you does not define you.

What you achieve or fail at does not define you.

Your shame does not define you.

Because in the end, what defines you and your identity is a Creator who loves you unconditionally and has already deemed you as “good.” How you choose to walk that identity out is entirely up to you.

Today’s Questions:

• If asked to describe yourself, what would you say? (Ex. I’m a father, I’m a businessman, I’m a mom of three, I’m creative, I’m a successful entrepreneur, etc.)
• Do you find that you describe yourself more by the roles you fill, the interests you have, your performance, or your purpose?
• Are the qualities you define yourself by dependent on factors outside your control?
• Do you find the way you define or view yourself is negatively affected when experiencing failure or a lack of success?
• If your role in life (i.e. I’m a husband) suddenly changed, would that change how you define yourself?