Intentional Father by Jon TysonSample

Jon Tyson: Intentional Father Devotional Day 6

“Good at Being a Man”

Scripture reading: 1 Kings 2:1-3; 1 Corinthians 13:11

Christianity hasn’t done a good job of raising men we can look at and think, Now, that’s a good man. Few of us, when thinking of a good man, think of the wildness or passion of Jesus Christ—and if we do think of Jesus, it’s because we’ve reduced him to an overwhelmed suburban dad who doesn’t have time in his schedule and is always flushed and struggling rather than living with freedom, power, and authority.

All of us need discipleship and development, specific advice and skills, and ways of living in the world that help us learn how to be good at being men. Yet far too often, when interacting with the next generation of young people, we’re on the sidelines telling them to keep going, telling them they can do it. Meanwhile, they’re out there in the middle of their crazy lives thinking, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep going. 

This is why I decided to shift my vision of Christian manhood away from someone who is generically good at something to someone skillful at living well as a man. What does that mean? It includes these things:

• A man is good at understanding and interacting with women.

• A man is good at understanding the role and place of money in his life. 

• A man has self-control. 

• A man knows how to be a brother to other men. 

To teach my son these things, I borrowed a framework from Dave Ferguson’s book Exponential. This is how it goes:

I do, you watch, we talk.

I do, you help, we talk.

You do, I help, we talk.

You do, I watch, we talk.

You do, someone else watches.

Think about this process as you begin to move toward helping your son grow into the roles of manhood. Start to use this process when opportunities come up to teach your son something. This can work when it comes to changing a tire or writing a check or starting a blog. Anything. 

And keep in mind, always, that your son doesn’t want to be a good man, because who even knows what that means? Your son aches to be good at being a man, just like you do, and if you can begin to help him gain competency in manhood, he’ll move through his adolescence and into adulthood full of confidence and life.

Start with “I do, you watch, we talk.” What is that going to look like for you and your son?