Beyond the Battle, Finding Identity in Christ in an Oversexualized WorldSample

Because entitlement lies at the root of marital discontent, we must look to Jesus as the example of one who gave up what he actually was entitled to. Jesus wasn’t just a human like us who happened to do a really good job at loving sacrificially and whom we’re now supposed to model ourselves after. The power of Jesus’ example, and the irony of it, is that he is the only person who has ever walked the earth who actually did deserve abundant blessing. He was the only person who actually was entitled to have everything work out the way he wanted.

Philippians 2:6 clearly says that Jesus is “in very nature God,” yet “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage.” Jesus was God in the flesh, yet what did he do with everything God is entitled to? He gave it up for us, for our advantage, not his. “He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant. . . . He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (vv. 7–8).

The person who was entitled to everything rejected what was rightfully his so that we, who are not entitled to anything, could gain what we have no right to.

Then we are told to love our spouses like this, following Jesus’ example. Good luck doing that in your own strength.

How full was Jesus’ love tank or love bank while he was beaten to a pulp and hanging on the cross, rejected by the crowds and shouldering our sins?

Not full at all. Bone dry. According to some marriage experts’ way of thinking, Jesus had every right to go off and have an affair, to ditch his loveless spouse (that’s us) and find someone who loves him more.

We tell our spouses, “I will love you if you live up to my standards. I will love you if you meet my needs. I will love you if you speak my love language and keep my love tank full.” Yet this is not how Jesus loves us, and we’d be in serious trouble if he did.

We must ask how Jesus continued to hang on the cross. Jesus didn’t use his “God card” to strengthen himself or make the pain go away. That would have nullified the point of coming to earth as 100 percent human, experiencing what we experience. He hung from the cross, 100 percent human, void of the love of the people he came to save, yet full of the love of his Father. His task would have been impossible without this love.

The only way to be satisfied in singleness like Jesus was or to love our spouses the way Jesus loves us is to be filled with our Father’s love the way Jesus was full of our Father’s love. That’s the road we’ll continue to walk together in the book Beyond the Battle. 

Questions for Married People:

1. How have you tried loving your spouse using your own strength (even when trying to be like Jesus)? How has it worked?

2. What kickback do you expect from your spouse when you do something loving for him or her? How do you feel when you don’t get this kickback?

3. How does it make you feel that Jesus gave up what he was entitled to in order to reconcile his relationship with you?

Married Person Prayer for the Day: Fill me with your love, Jesus. Saturate me like a sponge with the power of your unconditional love. I do not deserve your love, but I desperately need it. Let it overflow from my life into my marriage. Help me love my spouse the way you love me.

Questions for Single People:

1. You don’t have a spouse, so you might think this devotional about Jesus’ example of love doesn’t apply to you. But remember, Jesus was single, just like you. Memorize John 13:34–35, a command from Jesus for us to love one another (meaning to love our community of other Christians) exactly as he has loved us.

2. It is a myth that a spouse will complete you. How can Paul and Jesus’ respective lives of singleness be a guide for you? What spiritual practices of theirs can you emulate to experience the Father’s love?

Single Person Prayer for the Day: Fill me with your love, Father. Saturate me like a sponge with the power of your unconditional love. I do not deserve this love, but I desperately need it. Remind me that you, Jesus, the ultimate human, were single. Thank you for this example you’ve set for me. Thank you that the love of the Father is enough for me. Thank you for completing me.