Relationship PuzzlesSample

Forgiveness 

Many people are confused about forgiveness.  I think forgiveness means letting go of the desire for that person to pay for how they hurt you. Jesus chose not to punish us for our sins, even though we offend Him, yet we deserve to be punished. Therefore, as believers who aim to be more like Christ, we choose not to punish others for their mistakes against us. We cancel their “debt” (their wrongs), the pain that was caused, even if they can’t see it! It means, we are willing to take all of the burdens, and the suffering caused from it like Jesus did on the cross.

That is so very hard, especially if the offense is deep. Forgiveness does not happen overnight, just like any physical wound. It takes some time to heal. Sometimes, you take two steps forward and one step back on your journey of forgiveness.  As I keep taking steps to forgive, my heart becomes lighter and freer.

If I choose to forgive a person, I am doing it for Jesus. I say, “Jesus, I obeyed you to forgive another person for this thing because you forgave me for BIG things.”

If I forgive someone, does it mean that everything goes back to the way it was before they hurt me?  Do I need to let them back into my life again? Forgiveness does NOT mean that I must be friends with that person again. It does not mean to be without boundaries. And, it does not mean to stay in an abusive relationship. 

Repentance happens when a person is truly sorry for what they did, decides to change, and behaves differently. You are wise to not be friends with a person unless you see true repentance. Joseph tested his brothers a few times to see if they had changed. When he was satisfied with their heart change, he finally revealed that he was the brother they sold into slavery so long ago. (Genesis 42-45)

God loves the whole world and gave us all the gift of His son, Jesus. But He does not begin a relationship with a person who is unrepentant. God expects us to confess our sin, understand what Jesus paid for us on the cross, and change our ways to follow Him. God says that the sacrifice He looks for is a broken and contrite heart. (Psalm 51:16-17) If God sees that, He knows that we are sincere. Then He says, “I know you. You are my child. You are my friend.”

I recently watched the new live-action Mulan on Disney+. The colorful costumes, the stunning landscapes, and the style of fighting are all gorgeous! For me, the most beautiful part was the apology scene. Mulan has just saved her country from an attack. She could have said, “Look at me! I won! I made a few small mistakes, but that doesn't matter!” Instead, she is truly humble and convicted of her sin. She does not justify herself or make excuses. She specifically and sorrowfully names what she did that offended her family. Her father not only accepted her apology but also named what he did that hurt her. The scene is a perfect example of a true confession between two truly repentant people. Their relationship is fully restored.

Response:

Give yourself the freedom to work towards forgiving a person from your heart, without rushing into a friendship with them. It is okay to wait for signs of true confession and repentance before you offer them your valuable heart, your time, and your friendship.  

We look for the fruit of a person’s behavior and attitude to see if we can trust them or not. 

We are called to be like God in all ways and He has high standards for a true apology.

What kind of apology do you want to give others? What kind of apology do you expect others to give you?