LESSON 4: POSITIVITY I: THE POWER OF NEGATIVE

Ready

“... the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.” (James 3:5).

Set

We’ve all heard the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Whoever said it must not have been a coach.

In a podcast my wife recently did with Hall of Fame football player and current coach, Mike Singletary, he recalled a conversation with a grown man sitting next to him on a plane. The man knew he was sitting next to Mike Singletary and volunteered that he didn’t watch football at all anymore. When Singletary asked him why, the man proceeded to tearfully recount a coach berating him decades earlier. It ruined the sport for this man, and he was still emotional about it years later as an adult.

Words matter.

Studies show that negative reinforcement stifles growth and impedes performance. Take a New York hospital study. The hospital wanted to increase the frequency by which the staff washed their hands with antibacterial wash to help prevent the spread of disease and germs. The first method used to seek the desired outcome was negative reinforcement: place more warning signs about washing hands and preventing the spread of disease. The warning signs described how germs spread and insisted the staff wash their hands. Cameras were installed at sinks to monitor whether this negative reinforcement increased handwashing.

It didn’t work. There was no increased usage of hand sanitizer or handwashing, despite the fact the staff knew cameras were recording them. Negative reinforcement didn’t accomplish the desired result.

The Bible confirms this. In James 3:1–10, James uses three analogies to address the danger of negative words.

James begins with two analogies: a bit in the mouth of a horse controls its entire body, and a rudder on a ship controls the entire ship’s course. So it is with our tongues and the words we speak. What we say drives what we do and where we go. Our tongues control the direction of a conversation and what events transpire.

James’ point is not to keep our mouths shut at any cost. The point is that controlling the tongue controls the body. In other words, if we want to exercise self-control in our actions, we should start exercising self-control over the words we say. Proceed with caution when speaking.

Avoid impetuous talk (this includes, or maybe especially, how you communicate in texts and emails).

James then continues with a third analogy: the tongue is like a fire. Fire has tremendous power. A well-controlled fire can save a life. It can also destroy a forest or a neighborhood. It can kill everything and everyone in its path, if not controlled.

There may be a limited time and place for negative reinforcement, but the positive should far outweigh the negative.

Go

1. Read James 3:1–10 again. What does verse one say about who these verses are directed to? How is this a challenging, if not sobering, thought for us as coaches?
2. Do you seek a balance between positive and negative words to players? Are you intentional about trying to have the positive outweigh the negative? Read Proverbs 12:18, 15:1, and 15:4. How do these verses challenge you?
3. How should God’s treatment of us shape our perceived “need” to coach with negative reinforcement? Read 1 John 3:1 and Psalm 17:8 for insight.