Cures #2 and #3 = Don’t Blame or Ignore

Don’t Blame

Blame is the easiest card to play. But playing the victim and pointing fingers at others won’t pole vault you out of your hole. And sometimes we don’t just blame; we take it a step further and retaliate. But revenge never satisfies. Payback never pleases. (Not for long anyway.) Keep in mind that the other party is probably suffering from their own emotional emptiness.

When someone lashes out at you, it is a symptom of their own insecurity. And they’re only transferring their unhappiness to you to deflect their discomfort. Like you, they are “hungry” and “thirsty” for human connection. So save them with sympathy.

I didn’t develop that kind of compassion overnight, but eventually I learned to look at hurtful people with pity. Here are the questions I try to ask when I encounter them now:

• What’s their story?
• Who hurt them?
• How deep is their hole?

People are imperfect. We’re all fallible. So stop blaming.

Don’t Ignore

Ignoring our pain is ignorant because we know the vicious cycle perpetuates itself. Expressing pain is the only way to make it go away.

As hard as it might be for you to believe, breakdown brings breakthrough. We must learn to release, not repress. Getting past lonely doesn’t happen by pretending you’re not. You eventually have to deal with your loneliness, or it will eat you alive. And that’s not an understatement. We are relational beings created for community. But sometimes it’s just easier to avoid the problem than admit the pain and put ourselves in a position where we can be hurt. 

Did you know loneliness is the major cause of mental illness? And physical illness? The isolation that accompanies feelings of loneliness places undue stress on your body. For example, chronic loneliness leads to greater risk for heart disease. It shortens life expectancy. It’s a contributing cause of sleep disorders. And it can lead to addiction, which isn’t necessarily a quest for euphoria. It’s a desperate attempt to escape from reality.

Remember the Dr. Phil quote: “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” This point can’t be stressed enough. Sadly, that’s the greatest obstacle people experience because it’s easier for us to give up than fess up.