It's Okay Not To Be Okay By Sheila WalshSample

Day Six: Beautiful Scars

I was in a psychiatric hospital for three weeks when my doctor suggested I take a trip with one of the nurses. He thought a change of scenery would be good. But the only place I cared to go was church. 

So on a cold, September morning, I slipped into the back row of a small chapel. Sunlight from the stain glass windows fell on my hands and I remembered hearing in Sunday school how our names were etched into the hands of Jesus. But that day, I thought of how the patterns resembled my heart—deeply lined and stained with pain, fear, and depression. I closed my hands, ashamed. 

As the pastor came to the end of his message, he said he knew some of us felt dead inside. He said, no matter how deep or dark the hole was, Jesus was there. He said we didn’t have to get ourselves out, but ask Jesus and He would pull us free. In that moment, I felt as if I alone in the church and before me, arms open wide with nail-pierced hands, was Jesus. I ran to the front of the church and lay face down before the simple wooden cross. 

I knew I wasn’t fixed, but I was seen in all my brokenness, and loved. After His resurrection, Jesus appeared with nail-pierced hands. He didn’t have to keep the scars…but he did. Those marks were no longer marks of death but victory, no longer signs of brokenness but of healing. If Christ had chosen to keep His scars, why would I be ashamed of mine?

No matter if your scars are internal or external, you are loved more than you have the capacity to bear. It’s okay not to be okay. Christ meets us where we are. Our beautiful scars are signs of His love. 

Reflection Question

What scars do you carry? How do they show how God has worked in your life?

Prayer

Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross to save me. Thank you for loving me more than I know. Please take my scars and heal me. Help me to see how you are working in my life, even now.