Radical Wisdom: A 7-Day Journey For HusbandsSample

A Wife with No Voice  

One of the most helpless feelings in the world is hearing your wife say, “I feel like I have no voice!” Especially after you’ve just explained a situation or decision to her for the third time and you’re sure you’ve listened to her input. I can’t tell you how deeply it hurts to make the effort to give her the extra detail she always wants and then to have it thrown back in your face and be criticized.

A few months ago, a friend made this statement to me. I feel like I should carve it on a stone tablet . . .

A wife who feels she “has no voice” is one whose husband has talked about the issue but failed to connect with her feelings.

A while back, a friend and his wife were at each other’s throats over the new car they needed. His wife explained why she wanted a minivan . . . why it fit her needs and her personality at this stage of life (two small kids . . . lots of activities . . . “Mom’s taxi”). My friend found a deal on a huge, safe SUV and bought it without any real conversation with his wife. She couldn’t get past it.

When he learned this principle, he went to her and let her unpack her feelings about both the car choice and about the lack of connection to her feelings. He “fell on his sword,” and now they’re on the same page again.

It’s a powerful principle. Connect with her feelings first, then talk about the facts. You’ll get a different reception.

Question: Do you regularly connect with your wife’s feelings? Is there anything you need to bring up and let her unpack . . . while you just listen?