The 5 Love Languages For Him Reading PlanSample

When it comes to Acts of Service, you’re not judged by the amount of time you put in or even by how hard you work. You’re judged by your effectiveness—the impact you have.

A starting pitcher in baseball may work on his delivery constantly, making sure the release point of his off-speed pitches matches that of his fastball. He may take hundreds of extra ground balls and line drives after practice in a quest to field his position better. He may study hours of film every night, learning the tendencies of various batters and base runners.

In the end, though, he’s judged by one criterion: Does he get people out? If the answer is no, none of his other work makes much of a difference. What matters is whether he’s effective where it counts.

Andre didn’t make that connection at first. He worked hard—at the wrong tasks. And he failed to make a dent in his wife’s love-language needs.

For someone who takes pride in his work, that can be a tough pill to swallow. Most of us are wired with an instinctive desire to prove our worth—as husbands, providers, and caretakers. Beyond that, we want our work to mean something. And we want credit for the things we do.

In order to become fluent in Acts of Service, we need to kick that mindset to the curb. We need to let our wife guide us in determining what is and isn’t an effective Act. We need to let her instruct us on how to make an impact.

What does love look like to your wife?

What actions make her feel genuinely and spectacularly loved?

The answer to these questions will guide your actions. Depending on her personality—and your relationship history—she may or may not feel comfortable sharing the answers with you. You may need to put her at ease, to help her recognize your genuine desire to meet her Acts of Service needs.

One way to do that is to invite her to compile her “Ultimate Honeydew (or Honey Do) List”—the four or five Acts of Service that would mean the most to her. Her list might include a household chore she absolutely despises, an idea for taking some pressure off her, a way for her to free up some time for herself, a project that she’s dreamed of for years, or other service suggestions.

The list doesn’t need to be comprehensive. It’s just a starting point—a snapshot of your wife’s current emotional-needs landscape. Once you have it, though, treat it like the valuable resource it is.