Parenting On PurposeSample

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Jalene:

Our kids are smart, and they know us best. They can easily recognize how serious we are on our yeses and nos. If our words are inconsistent with our actions, we lose credibility with them, and even sometimes their respect. 

Matthew 5:37 minces no words. It says, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

I learned a valuable lesson early on that when I’m angry or uncertain it’s easy to say things I don’t mean. I may ground them longer than necessary, or give an answer that I later regret. I established a rule for myself that when things got heated or I didn’t have a direct answer yet, I would take some time to think through things before I talked to my children. I didn’t want to spew empty words. 

Because I did this, my children knew that when I came back to them with their answer or punishment, I meant exactly what I said. (At least, most of the time—I am human, after all.) This also works the same way with encouraging words. I never wanted my kids to feel like my praise was empty. I wanted to focus my praise on character traits that I genuinely saw they had. 

Our words are powerful when we mean them.

Macy:

When I was six years old, I had a friend over, and the time had come for her mom to take her home. She wanted me to come home with her and have a sleepover, so I asked my mom. She said no. When I went back upstairs to rejoin my friend, she began to coach me on how to get my mom to change her mind. “Keep going downstairs and asking her over and over until she says yes!” I was so confused. I told her that there was no way my mom would go for that, and if she said no she meant no. Little did I know: my mom was outside the door, listening to our whole conversation! My mom later told me how proud she was of me for having the courage to stand up to my friend, but also for recognizing the importance of obedience even when I didn’t like the answer. At six years old, I already knew that manipulating my mom was not an option, and that’s because her actions lined up with her words. 

Action Step: Take a moment today to pray and ask God to give you patience when you need it, and the wisdom to let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’ Give yourself permission to take the time you need to process and sometimes seek wisdom before you give an answer.