5 Days To Freedom From Angry ParentingSýnishorn

 DAY TWO: WHEN SIBLING RIVALRY IS MAKING YOU CRAZY

The car engine started, and before we were out of the driveway, the bickering began. One brother looked at another brother with a goofy face while another brother was kicking his sibling’s seat. Such trivial issues, and yet, to them, it felt like the end of the world. Sometimes, siblings will argue over much more serious issues, especially as they grow older. But one thing is true for every age and stage: sibling rivalry is as old and as constant as time. We can, however, with the help of Scripture and the Holy Spirit, become peacemakers in our homes. Though sibling rivalry may trigger us toward anger, it doesn’t have to.

So often, we think of triggers as a bother. A problem. Something to nip in the bud.

Life will present us with many situations that will trigger us to react in sinful anger. If we can reorient our thinking about these triggers to see them as opportunities, we can be spiritually victorious. Every trigger is an opportunity in one way or another. Here’s what I mean regarding sibling rivalry:  

Sibling rivalry is an opportunity for two good things to happen:

1. My boys learn how to identify their feelings, communicate well, and problem solve. 

And,

2. I learn to respond biblically and train my kids in righteousness.  

In our home, we set the standard by first creating a short list of family values—like making our home a place of peace by becoming peacemakers. We talk this Biblical idea over with our kids, giving examples of how we can all be agents for peace in our home.  If sibling rivalry is rampant, one of the best biblical responses we can give our kids is to memorize a passage from the Bible that relates to the issue. This section from Romans 12:17-20 is one of my favorites when harmony is being overshadowed by discord: 

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’” (NIV)

This verse is foundational to dealing with all kinds of fighting and arguing. Take the time to talk through it little by little over the course of a few weeks. Ask your kids questions about what they think it means and how they can apply it to an example in their own lives. Tease out scenarios from your own day and how you can model this to your kids. Speak in a loving and positive tone whenever you approach Scripture, not in a way that communicates condemnation or punishment. Remember, we want our kids to see the Word of God as the path to life, offering hope through Scripture, not a tool to shame them!

Once that groundwork has been laid as a standard for behavior in our home, the responsibility belongs to our children to do the right thing. When they fail, we can continue to do the good parenting, modeling peace and honoring God, ourselves. We don’t have to make their sin, personal. This is one way we trade angry reactions for gentle biblical responses. Peacemaking parents, produce peacemaking kids!

LET’S PRAY: 

“Heavenly Father, it unnerves me when my kids fight with one another, and it often makes me feel like a failure. I want them to get along, but I know that takes time and maturity. Lord, I need your guidance to know what to do in these situations. Give me the words to say and the creative ideas to help my children become peacemakers. Thank You, Jesus, for promoting peace in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. Help us to put one another’s needs before our own. Make our home a place of harmony and kindness. In Jesus’ name, amen!”