Scared To Be KnownSýnishorn

By Chris Kim

I have two confessions to make . . .

1. I pay someone to read books for me and then send me their notes. Think “CliffsNotes” for adults. 

2. I wear nonprescription glasses. They’re completely fake.

The book thing makes me sound smarter than I really am.

The glasses thing makes me look smarter than I really am.

Unfortunately, both things are designed to help me mask something to look better than I am.

I actually have a long list of things I do to keep people from knowing the real me. Call it “image-management”; call it “insecurity.” You can call it whatever you want, but you know what I’m talking about. I can’t be the only one who wrestles with this, right?

That’s why Psalm 139 is so haunting. The entire psalm is a reminder that you can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool God.

It’s 50 percent terrifying that there’s nowhere I can hide from God. But it’s also 50 percent refreshing to think, Okay, it’s useless to have any secrets from God, so I might as well be completely open with him. In fact, he probably sees things I even try to hide from myself. 

Psalm 139:23–24 is a prayer that I only say when I’m really feeling courageous:

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

For me, it’s not an everyday prayer. I don’t think I’m brave enough for that. But when I’m actually ready to make some headway toward being honest with myself, I’ll recite Psalm 139 as a personal prayer. I will also pray that God gives me the strength to tackle whatever he shows me in being fully known.

Questions for Reflection:

1. What things are you trying to hide from other people? What things are you trying to hide from yourself?

2. Are you willing to make Psalm 139 a personal prayer? Are you willing to deal with the things that God may surface from that prayer?