Filled: Devotions for a Foster Parent's HeartSýnishorn

Day Four

Scripture: Luke 6:29-30, 1 Corinthians 13

The world talks about relationships like they’re a buffet line. Take what you want and leave the rest, it offers. If you’re unhappy, then move on and live your truth, it directs. Every fifth Instagram post I come across is about cutting out toxic people, dropping unfulfilling relationships, and only surrounding yourself with people who “protect your peace.”

Let me put this as delicately as I can: These ideas are anti-gospel trash. The gospel destroys every rational, worldly paradigm for relationship and calls us to an unreasonable, reckless kind of love. Following Jesus completely redefines everything about our relationships—the way we think, talk, act, forgive, even the people we are in relationship with—and entering foster care provides the sanctifying space to practice this upside-down kind of living and loving.

“If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them” (v. 29). Is this passage encouraging physically abusive relationships and theft? No, absolutely not. Is it calling Christians to an unreasonable, irrational, self-sacrificial kind of love? Absolutely. We can’t lean on the foolish wisdom of the world (1 Cor. 3:19) to define what our love should look like as foster parents. We must go to the Source for the 180 relational paradigm of the gospel.

The world says, “Drop people who don’t treat you as you deserve.” The gospel says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27).

The world says, “You have to stand up for yourself or they’ll never learn.” The gospel says, “Repay evil with blessing” (1 Pet. 3:9).

The world says, “If they let you down, don’t waste your energy on them.” The gospel says, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink” (Rom. 12:20).

The world says, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” The gospel says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt. 5:44).

Can I be honest for a moment? I find it particularly hard to love my kids’ parents and families. My protective, mama-bear instincts collide with my judgmental, self-righteous ideas and lead me to feel something closer to apathy or hatred than the love I’m called to. My kids’ parents have done (or not done) things that have hurt the children I love, that have caused brokenness and trauma that pervade every part of their lives. Has the behavior of my kids’ parents merited honor and blessing? No. Do they deserve love and forgiveness? Definitely not.

But thank God that gospel love doesn’t rely on our merits, doesn’t wait for us to deserve it. When I was sick (Mark 2:17) and enslaved (John 8:34), hostile to God (Rom. 8:7) and dead in sin (Eph. 2:1), it was then that God loved me, there that Jesus laid down His life for me in love (John 15:13). I was not only lost (Luke 15:32) and wandering, I was “foolish, disobedient, led astray, [a slave] to various passions and pleasures, passing [my] days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating” (Titus 3:3 ESV). And in this state, in my utter unworthiness and desperation, God saw me and placed His love on me. And His love was not left untouched by my brokenness. He didn’t watch from afar; He put on my skin and took on my sin and took the punishment for it all. His love for me came at a great cost to Himself. It cost Him His very life.

This is why and this is how we are called to a different kind of love than the shallow, self-protective love that the world sponsors. “Just as I have loved you,” commands Jesus, “you also are to love one another” (John 13:34 ESV). “Just as I have loved you” is a daunting, radical call to a love that is unconditional and reckless, that gives itself, that lays down its life. And it calls me to—and empowers me to live out—a higher and holier, dying kind of love for those who are just as deserving of it as I am. Namely, not at all.

Note: Let me be clear—God hates abuse in all its forms. Luke 6:29–30 does not condone abuse and should never be twisted into a mandate for victims to endure abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, please reach out to someone for immediate protection and care. In all cases of violence, I would encourage you to talk to both your church leaders for care and the authorities for protection and justice.