Little Parenting Habits for Big Faith in Your KidsSýnishorn

Is fear getting in the way?

In “Families and Faith”, the researchers shared the results of a thirty-five year study that followed multiple generations of the same twenty-five families. They wanted to know if faith was being transmitted from parent to child, and if not, why not.

When they looked at the Rebels, those who permanently walked away from their parents’ faith, they discovered this: “The Rebels came from strongly religious families where there were ‘too much of a good thing,’ as parents’ religious socialization efforts were experienced as excessive or intrusive.”

What particular efforts felt more excessive or intrusive than others? “When highly religious parents pushed their resistant children to participate in religious activities…or to conform to church doctrine or moral dictates, this was experienced by some children as having religion ‘shoved down my throat.’ The result was religious rebellion.”

I’ve never met a parent who intended to shove religion down their child’s throat. But when our kids are resistant about going to church or believing specific doctrines, fear can take over. When we allow our fear for our kids to control our actions, we’re more likely to shoot down questions, lecture away doubts, force kids to come to church, and push them to conform outwardly. We act out of fear because we’re desperate to get faith to stick, but this puts us on the fast track to driving our children away from God.

Fear for our kids is not a new thing. When the newly-freed Israelites were faced with the Promised Land, they refused to go in because they were afraid. Numbers 14:3 explains that it wasn’t general cowardice they felt, but a deeply-rooted fear that their wives and children would be taken captive by the Canaanites. Why did they fear that? Because they didn’t trust God to help them win the battle! These are the very people who had recently seen the plagues, walked through the Red Sea, and experienced the holiness of God at Mount Sinai. They had been given manna in the desert, water from rocks, and a pillar of cloud to follow. And still, they were afraid and didn’t trust God. If this shocks you, it shouldn’t. Fear is a powerful force, isn’t it?

Fear creates a rigid and controlling environment, which leaves little room for kids to learn to grow an actual, trusting relationship with the God who has always welcomed questions and doubts, who allows us to make mistakes, and who waits with grace-filled arms when we turn back to him. God does not want us living in fear for our children’s spiritual lives. In fact, His perfect love wants to cast out fear—even the very valid fear that our children will reject the gospel. As 1 John 4:16-18 teaches us, the perfect love of God casts out all fear!

We are not here to scare our children into heaven or to parent out of deep-seated fears that they will turn into prodigals or be taken captive by worldly living. As 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, God’s gift to us is a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline in replacement for the spirit of fear. We can be bold, loving, and intentional with our child’s faith journey when we let God lead the way instead of fear.

PRAYER:

God, thank You that I can know and rely on Your perfect love. Please cast out the fear in my heart, especially the fears that make me react poorly to my child. Please remove from me my spirit of fear and replace it with a spirit of power, love and self-discipline, and may this benefit the faith of my child. In Jesus’ name, Amen.