I Shouldn't Feel This Way by Dr. Alison CookSýnishorn

Problems with social comparison do not discriminate; everyone compares themselves to other people. The solution to the problem of comparison, once you recognize how it shows up in your life, is to honor what’s legitimately frustrating and take brave steps to focus on developing your own life.

Consider a pendulum that swings back and forth. If you swing too far toward dwelling on what you don’t have in comparison to others, you risk self-pity, envy, or victimization. On the other hand, if you swing too far toward force-fitting contentment, you risk deceiving yourself with shallow platitudes or toxic positivity. Neither extreme works.

In contrast to the wild swings of a pendulum, a plumb line helps you stay aligned vertically with God, the one who knows you best. A plumb line is a magnetically weighted vertical line that extends directly toward the center of gravity. Painters and woodworkers use plumb lines to keep their lines straight. The term appears in the Bible several times, but one of the most notable places is in the book of Amos when God’s people were so focused on gaining material success—trying to be better than their peers—that they were taking advantage of the sick, the poor, and the vulnerable. In a vivid gesture, God held up a plumb line to show them how far they had strayed from aligning their ways to his (Amos 7.8). They were no longer seeking his direction. They had swung completely away from him.

We can also use the idea of a plumb line in our own lives. Developing a vertical plumb line between yourself and God helps you stay true to your own experience and aligned with the one who made you. You stop gauging your own success or making decisions based on looking out horizontally to other people. That doesn’t mean you ignore or bypass what’s hard as you survey the landscape around you. Instead, it means you name those feelings—self-criticism, guilt, envy, or self-doubt— then work to align them with what’s true with God’s help.

Naming what’s hard as a form of prayer is a powerful practice to help you stay aligned with God’s heart.

Prayer

Father, please forgive me for comparing myself to others. Please help me to use a plumb line to align myself with your heart. Amen.