ForgivenessSýnishorn

Forgiveness – Core to Healthy Relationships

“Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive others.” Colossians 3.13

Paul understands that we will from time to time have complaints against each other – this is a normal outcome of being in community. It would be unusual for people in close connection to not walk on each other’s toes. What is not normal, nor acceptable to the apostle, is when we use complaints to harbour unforgiveness. Some complaints may even be justified but not the unforgiveness and bitterness they foster.

The world-renowned NT scholar, Tom Wright, was asked what he thought the apostle Paul would say were he to comment on the church in the 21st century. Wright concluded that Paul would likely be saddened, even shocked, by the lack of unity amongst God’s people. Although numerous reasons could be put forward to explain this lack, a major contributor is the failure of forgiveness and love amongst God’s people. The church is oiled by forgiveness and love, the church grinds along without forbearance and forgiveness.

I have heard, and no doubt you have too, Christians say they will never forgive some people their actions. How they square this up with the gospel, and the requirement of the extension of forgiveness to those forgiven is beyond me. And how they live in community with each other is difficult to imagine. Justifying unforgiveness is reckless, and fails to consider the Lord’s prayer, where not forgiving results in not being forgiven by God.

The first thing to suffer is healthy relationships, because people at enmity with each other can’t have good relationships. Ephesians 4.1 tells us to “with patience, bear with one another in love.” I like the word forbear/ance as it speaks of patient tolerance towards the failings of others, and we’d hope the same was extended to us when we need it. Forbearance is slow to add up sins, it allows breathing room for the failures of others, and it takes into account our own weaknesses (for which we have infinite tolerance).

It is love that is to mark us out as the disciples of Jesus, and it is unforgiveness that marks us as just another religious group, prone to the relational violence of bickering, resentments and legal recourse.

But rather: “By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13.35