How to Navigate Real Church Life With Honesty and HumorSýnishorn

Don’t Neglect Community

We believed a lie for far too long, and we hear this falsity perpetuated in church leader circles: You can’t be friends with the people in your congregation. We understand the hesitation to a certain extent. We don’t want anyone to feel left out. What if growing close to a few people makes others uncomfortable? And what about the possibility of a confidant turning on you and spreading gossip about you in the church? Then, there’s the chance of making your husband look bad. What if you speak too much about a heated disagreement with your pastor-husband, and church members begin to think less of him? Because of all these potentially disastrous scenarios, we subconsciously (or purposely) construct a wall between us and the church people. But would Jesus do the same? Let’s think about it.

Jesus’ choice of friends to do life with would not be our first choice of besties. The backgrounds of some of these guys were scandalous. Just check out the dishonest tax collector, for starters. And what about those poor, smelly fishermen He was seen galivanting around the sea with? Don’t get us started on Judas. Jesus didn’t just suspect Judas might not be the most trustworthy guy; He knew without a doubt that Judas would betray Him in the worst possible way. And yet, Jesus chose each one to befriend and pour every ounce of love and energy into. If the Savior knew the importance of community despite its imperfections, why do we run in fear of the imperfections? Isn’t Jesus the ultimate ministry leader example?

The negatives we conjure up about friendship are not birthed from a place of wisdom. They are whispers from the enemy. He wants you isolated without accountability, seeping into a pit of loneliness, and we see this play out in three specific ways.

First, without community, we can’t obey the command in James 5:16 to confess our sins to one another: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.” We are not above confession, prayer, and the need for healing. We need our community to come alongside us, hold us accountable, and lift us in prayer.

Additionally, our iron won’t ever be sharpened if we only step into the sharpening role of iron for others but never allow others to sharpen us: “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). The Church is sprinkled with many strong men and women of faith who make excellent sharpening mentors. A person doesn’t have to be called to preach and teach to sharpen other church leaders. We can find our iron sharpens iron tribe.

Last, our position does not trump anyone else’s position in the body of Christ, so why do we elevate ourselves above the people we serve? Romans 12 reminds us how we all work together and need each other in the Church. Romans 12:3a & 10 are a sneak peek into this truth: “For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think … Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” Let’s honor others by walking beside them, not in front or behind them.

Have you embraced friendship and accountability within your church? If not, who could be the iron made to sharpen yours? Seek God and ask Him to reveal to you your iron. We can’t do ministry life alone!