Hope for the IncarceratedSýnishorn

Day 10

(Today’s story of hope comes from Julie, Senior Program Manager for HIA.)

Even though at the the time I didn’t see it, God was winking at me and showing me that he was still with me.

I spent many years lost and headed in the wrong direction. The devil had a hold of me and he wasn’t letting go. I was fully addicted to drugs, living on the streets, in and out of jail. Death was knocking on my door and I didn’t care if he came in or not.

I needed to make a change. God saw this and wanted better for me. He’s always wanted better for me. He wanted me to come back to him. He had a plan to get me back and he did it in the most subtle of ways. I can see it now… but I certainly wasn’t paying attention then.

It was during my times spent in county jail or in prison when God showed up the most. He showed up through things like…

Putting me in a cell with an amazing, God-fearing woman who put together her own Bible study right there in the jail while she herself faced some pretty heavy charges. He wanted me to see that, even in the worst of circumstances, we can still praise him!

Pointing me to the Bible during a lockdown and putting an urge on my heart to read it instead of participating in the jailhouse drama.

My dad reciting scripture to me (Philippians 3:12-14) over the jailhouse phone for the first time I could ever remember.

Many volunteers and church people who showed up to the prison to tell their testimony or to bring praise and worship to the yard.

My mom connecting with a support group that helped her cope with all my bad decisions, which ultimately led to me moving into a faith-based sober living home upon my release.

Meeting my baby niece over a video call while in county jail and then watching her take her first steps the night before I was taken to prison.

I could go on. These are just a few examples of ways God showed up in my life without me even knowing what he was doing. He gave me subtle nudges instead of a big push because he knew a big push might scare me away.

I wasn’t necessarily looking for him at the time but he knew better! He knew I was meant for more than the life I was leading, a life of addiction and crime, riddled with feelings of loneliness, shame, guilt, fear, and worthlessness.

That is not how he wants us to live! He wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. He wants us to have a relationship with him and to fully trust his plan. I can’t sit here and say I’m always a “perfect” Christian. No one can. What I can say, though, is that with God’s help, I took my past and am now using it for good. He showed me that I can use my struggles to help others out of theirs. I can be an example of radical life change.

As I write this, It’s been over five and a half years since I touched my last drug and I have been out of prison for three and a half. I never want to go back to that life. Ever! Looking back now, I see how it all unfolded. All it took was for me to accept those “God winks” and act on the urge God placed on my heart to make changes.

I am now a lot more aware of when God winks at me, and it makes me smile every time he does! It’s just the encouragement I need to keep pressing forward and to keep using my testimony to show the goodness of God! I have been redeemed!