How To Help Your Millennial Return To FaithSýnishorn

"Building Community Starts with Marriage"

Years ago, when I (Jason) was a pastor at a local church, I ran into a woman who worked downstairs. I said my hellos and kept walking. She called my name. I turned around to see if something was wrong. 

She ran up to me frantically. Just a few months back, she had shared about her son and how well he was doing in college. He had always been a great student and even considered becoming a missionary. But now something was terribly wrong. When her son came home for spring break, he told his mom and dad that he was an atheist. She was shocked. For the next year, I tried helping the family, but their college son never came back to Christ. 

I remember how defeated the parents felt. Over and over they would explain their efforts to raise their kids in a Christian home. They spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on private Christian education and stayed involved in as many activities as their kids were in. But as I talked with the parents, I kept noticing something. The couple argued all the time. When he would start to say something, she would interrupt him. When she would speak, he would correct her, which led to even more arguing. It was nonstop. 

Why do I bring up this story? 

I bring it up because if you want to get along with your millennial, you have to first get along with your spouse. Given the divorce rates and remarriages these days, I’m sure it’s going to be very difficult for some of you. 

Some of you are divorced and have very little (or no) communication with your ex-spouse. Some of you have been married a long time but were never on the same page when raising the kids. Now that your children are grown, it’s a moot issue. 

Others of you are divorced and remarried. Which means you have stepchildren in the mix—and that can make things a bit more complicated. 

The rest of you are still happily married and finding more ways to relate and get along with your adult children. Good for you! 

Families these days are very different. Some are more complicated and messy than others. But the fact remains that God expects parents to strive for togetherness and be a united front in the home. To have a rock-solid marriage and be on the same page in their parenting. It’s really hard to get along with your millennial if you can’t even get along with your spouse. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to keep your marital problems from interfering with your parenting. Work things out with your spouse. Do whatever is necessary to restore and strengthen your marriage. 

Marriage is the centerpiece of the family. When the marriage is strong, the family will be strong. But if the marriage is weak, the family will be weak. If the marriage is in trouble, the family is in trouble. The problems you have with your millennial may easily be related to past and present troubles in your marriage. 

If things are really bad in your marriage or between you and your millennial child, seek help from a godly couple, accountability group, or from a biblical counselor. The Bible says, “Where there is no counsel people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11: 14). Added guidance will give you the support needed to work through major issues between you and your millennial. Don’t neglect this. Get the help you need. Because in order for parents to build their relationship with their millennials, they need to first and foremost have unity in their marriages.