When Friends CheatSýnishorn

Grace shows up

What do you do if your friend was cheated on? How do you show grace and truth as they try to put together the pieces after adultery?

You show grace when you show up and share Jesus. Sound easy? It’s not. Many experts suggest that it takes up to two years for unfaithful couples to start to heal. And that means it’s a marathon you are suddenly running without much training. This chapter of your friendship might feel pretty one-sided, like you’re listening and listening and giving and giving and not getting a lot in return. Most friendships are fueled by fun experiences, but dealing with adultery isn’t fun. Which is why most friends fade away. But grace shows up. “Better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away” (Proverbs 27:10). Draw near, especially the first year, and give them the Jesus they need to experience unfailing love and move forward with hope.

You give truth when you remind them of the work. No, the adultery wasn’t their fault. Sin is never explained away or excused. Yet there is work to do for those who have been sinned against. A woman I know told me that after her husband’s affair, she needed to hear God’s law even more than she needed the comfort of God’s gospel. Her heart wanted to excuse her own hatred, bitterness, and unforgiving attitude, so she needed reminders of the calling God had upon her life.

Helping friends survive and, hopefully, thrive after an affair is hard but holy work. Embrace it and ask God’s blessing upon it.