The Love Everybody WantsSýnishorn

“Complement, Not Complete”

When it comes to relationships, we live in a world that constantly tells us we need to find our partner to be truly happy. I mean, how many movies do you watch where there’s a strong, independent single woman who, at the end of the movie, is still unattached? The message is clear: A happy ending is a romantic relationship with a partner.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want just a happy ending. I want to find contentment and meaning through all seasons and stages of my life. I want that for you too.

Yes, finding the right person does add so much goodness to your life—I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t. My husband, Grant, has added so much laughter, joy, and fulfillment to my life in ways I hadn’t thought possible. But that’s the point. He’s added. He hasn’t completed.

A partner in life is meant to complement you, not complete you. Before you can be ready for another person, you have to be made whole all on your own—through your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself.

With a healthy perspective, and with the right attitude, we can view a relationship as something life-giving and good that we desire. But we also understand that no person is going to be able to make our hearts feel healed, whole, or complete.

Let’s not forget that Jesus was single throughout his earthly lifetime. I don’t think you would say that he was incomplete or inadequate. In fact, we know “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him” (Colossians 1:19).

Who you are is not defined by another person. Looking for divinity in humanity leaves us with insecurity and anxiety because humanity is broken and imperfect. Our hearts can only be made whole and complete by the One who created it. Anything else—a relationship, money, job, status, followers—might satisfy for a moment, but when those fail you, and they will, they leave you more broken and emptier than before.

No matter what your “relationship status” looks like, remember, your purpose is not a person. Your identity is not a relationship. When we make someone our everything, we lose everything else.

Each of us can say, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing” (Psalm 23:1).

Reflect: How would your relationships change if you viewed them with a “complement” perspective rather than searching for “completion?”

Challenge: Find someone who loves Jesus and confess the relationships that you have idolized (or the relationship you desire to have) and allowed to consume your mind and heart over Jesus. Ask them to pray over you.

Prayer: Lord, you are more than enough. With you, I have all that I need. Help me to seek you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Forgive me for letting people and things take first place in my heart. I pray for more of you and less of me. I make you my greatest desire and treasure of my heart. I love you. In Jesus’s name, amen.