When Love Uses GaslightingSýnishorn

Treasures Of Darkness

My father was a photographer in WWII and later had a photography business on the side. When we moved to Oklahoma he built a darkroom in our garage. After he took pictures, he hung the film to develop in the darkroom…in the pitch dark. No one could go into the darkroom while they were developing. Otherwise, the pictures would be underdeveloped. My father understood why darkness was essential. Light-sensitive materials needed time in the dark in order to develop.

In the same way, God develops us in the dark places. It may seem like he’s not there, but God does his greatest work in the dark. When we try to escape the process prematurely, we remain underdeveloped or worse, a mere negative of what we could be—a reverse image of what He intends for us to be.

I’ve experienced the excruciating pain and confusion that betrayal, manipulation and gaslighting leaves behind. Even though scripture says that offenses are impossible to avoid, it’s hard to imagine that someone you thought loved you could be so cruel. I’d even remind myself that when offenses come, God always offers his grace. I knew that without it I wouldn’t have the capacity to endure. And yet, in the midst of my misery, I often fell short of God’s grace and failed to recognize his provision of strength. Little by little, I allowed bitter roots to grow up.

When we fail to respond to the grace of God, we put ourselves in a place where resentment can flourish. And that is Satan’s mission. Make no mistake. Satan hates us. His goal is to prevent us from developing. He does this in a couple of ways. Sometimes, all he has to do is keep us out of the darkroom.

One of his greatest maneuvers is to help us mask our pain by pacifying us with counterfeit comforts, many of which seem quite ordinary. Online shopping, scrolling on social media or binge watching our favorite shows may seem like innocent escapes but when they turn excessive they only serve to enable us to deny reality, stuff the hurt and delay our healing.

When that doesn’t work, he’ll try to convince us that we can’t escape the darkness, that we’re chained to bitterness, sorrow and depression. God has freed us, but deception holds us in bondage. But here’s the solid truth: God’s grace is always sufficient.

In every offense, he makes provision through his grace. When relationship difficulties persist, he will either provide a way of escape or give us the ability to persevere and overcome.

God releases his power, but the choice to take the grace is ours. And when we respond to God’s grace, he can make a beautiful picture out of every offense. He can turn every sorrow into a showcase of glory.

So hang on to hope, my courageous friend. God is a master photographer and you are his film. He may leave you in the dark for a while, but it's because he wants you to be fully developed. And when he’s finished, you’ll be a beautiful picture of freedom to display his hope to the world.

I hope this plan on gaslighting has been enlightening. Being able to identity and have the terminology to describe the oppression that you’ve experienced is empowering. Your awareness brings freedom. Want to learn more? Get my free resource, 10 Strategies Narcissists and Abusers Use so you can protect yourself with wisdom.