Open, the Hospitable HeartSýnishorn

The Deeper Story

Tell me your story. I am listening with interest and empathy. I am willing to reveal who I really am.

We all long to know and be known. We want people to seek us out and like who we really are inside. We long to enjoy the true selves of others as well. Now we come to the primary pleasure of the hospitable heart. As the initial greetings give way, the table is cleared, engaging conversation has provided the chance to feel caught up, and laughter has softened and brightened the experience, there comes a moment when the hospitable heart invites the deeper story.

We have several long-term friends who expertly and intentionally make this transition. Dear ones, if you are reading this right now and wondering, “Is she describing me?”—I am! There are many endearing and life-giving qualities at this level of hospitality, but essentially, these friends have mastered the art of asking questions that bring out the deeper story. Then they empathetically listen. As a result, they now know many of the chapters of my living epic.

In addition, they are just as transparent. They are not evasive and do not hide themselves from me. I often hear about their mistakes and challenges along with their joys and victories. After many years of mutual risk and vulnerability, I have learned to trust these friends and they trust me. This depth of hosting mutually challenges, sharpens, and deepens us all.

At this place in our immersion in the art and heart of hospitality, let’s ask ourselves a pivotal question: Do we really want to hear the story? It is okay to not be willing, but if we are, responsibilities follow. We may need to clear space and develop attentiveness. Some stories are painful to hear. Of course, this pain is then shifted to the Lord who bears our burdens. Building trust at this level requires self-control. We must take care not to break faith by “sharing” what is private without permission. Consider Mary who watched Jesus grow up but “kept/treasured all the details and pondered/meditated on them in her heart” (Luke 2:19).

Our best example of vulnerable hospitality is ever before us in Jesus. Being God, He became flesh that we might know what God is like. He is the fulfillment of the deeper story of the ages, unveiling the Father to all who have ears to hear and eyes to see. Jesus died for our sins—think how intimately He knows our most hidden selves. Even still, He offers each of us a unique love relationship as He writes His everlasting story in us and all around us by His Spirit.

Practice hospitality (Rom. 12:13).

• Consider the magnitude of God’s deeper story revealed in Scripture. Dive into a portion of the Bible that is less familiar to you. Ask Holy Spirit to freshly unveil the deeper story of our God.
• If you have never tried it, dare to share who you really are and what you really think with the Lord. If you can find a secluded time and place, this is best done aloud. As your Creator, He is not afraid of your unedited story. He always deals in honesty. You are safe with Him.
• Sometimes we are unsure if the Lord really sees or knows us. Hagar in the Bible wondered this and discovered that God saw her and understood her unique plight. Ask the Lord for a glimpse of His intimate and specific knowledge about your preferences and needs, then attentively watch to see what He reveals.
• As stated, the end goal of those with a heart of hospitality is to know and be known. If you detect too much superficiality in your relationships, and desire to develop and enlarge your heart of hospitality, you could ask yourself questions like these: How many of my friends do I really know? Do they really know me? Ask Holy Spirit to provide creative ways to deepen the relationships most important to you. But there is an even riskier expression of hospitality that is very, very dear to the Lord. Who are the lonely, hurting, rejected and marginalized in your sphere of influence? Ask the Lord to give you His heart for those who are desperate for your hospitably—especially those who could never invite you back.
• A good question effortlessly invites the deeper story. Become a connoisseur of wise, edifying, and thought-provoking questions. Memorize a few to expand your next conversations.
• Keep in mind the family stories! Host the oldest members of your family and ask them to relate their stories from the past. Voice record these or write them down. They are priceless treasures.
• Note 1: Some people are so genuinely surprised that anyone would be interested in them, that they share, and share, and share. I remember one instance when a person who was deeply grieving unpacked her deeper story for almost two hours. The listening became part of her healing that day. This is precious privilege.
• Note 2: Sometimes I have been willing to draw out the deeper story in others, but they seem to have no interest in knowing me. It is possible they really don’t want to know me, but most often, it is because they have not yet learned how to reciprocate hospitality. I now choose to embrace one-sided story telling. The Scripture says God opens his heart and hands to many who are oblivious to His invitation or outright reject Him. It is a privilege to be like Him in this small way.

As we open the Bible together today, let’s rejoice that our God knows us intimately and desires to be known.